


Plan a Family Game Night™

by nerdyketones



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Belligerent Sexual Tension, Betrayal, Card Games, Cards Against Humanity, Charades, Connect Four, Crack, Cuddling & Snuggling, Drinking Games, Fluff, Hide and Seek, Hunk Is Adorable, Jenga, Keith Is A Little Shit, Memes, Monopoly (Board Game), Pidge is a little shit, Resolved Sexual Tension, Sarcasm, Shiro Has Fun, Team Bonding, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Twister - Freeform, UNO, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Utter Devestation, clue, eventual Klance, happiness, lance is a little shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-24
Updated: 2017-04-08
Packaged: 2018-07-26 08:51:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 23,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7567918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nerdyketones/pseuds/nerdyketones
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The paladins of Voltron play board games.</p><p>It goes exactly how you'd expect.</p><p>Chapter 1- Uno<br/>Chapter 2- Twister<br/>Chapter 3- Connect Four<br/>Chapter 4- Jenga<br/>Chapter 5- Monopoly<br/>Chapter 6- Charades and Cards Against Humanity<br/>Chapter 7- Clue<br/>Chapter 8- Cards (Egyptian Ratscrew and Go Fish)<br/>Chapter 9- Hide and Go Seek</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Uno

“Pidge, can I-?”

“ _No.”_ The response from the other side of the door made Lance pout. After he’d complained at dinner the night before that he missed his family because they did ‘family bonding activities’ and team Voltron didn’t, Pidge had been oddly…secretive. After training she’d gone straight to her lab and shut the door, barring entry to _everyone._ Well, not everyone. Not everyone had tried to enter, but it sure _felt_ like she was shutting everyone out. 

Lance took things _very_ personally.

“Pidge. Pidgeeeee. _Pidge.”_ Lance just _knew_ that she was working on something for them to do as a team. He’d obviously sparked her creative genius and he wanted to see the fruits of her labor so he could brag about how he was her muse. (For the team bonding, too, of course.)

“I will hack your lion to eject you every time you sit at the controls, you whiny Cuban baby.” Pidge threatened.

“ _Why must you hurt me this way,”_ Lance moaned through the door, grinning all the while.

“I’ll be done in just a few minutes. Why don’t you gather the team in the den?” Pidge said after a few seconds, and Lance grinned, tasting victory.

“ _Aha!_ So you _have_ been working on a top secret project for us!” He said dramatically. He heard Pidge sigh through the door in response. “Haha, I complained enough and you decided to do something about it! I _lurve_ you too, Pidgey!”

“Lion. Ejection. Beat it.” Pidge growled inside her lab. 

“Te amoooo~,” Lance crooned dramatically before leaving, grinning ear to ear. He found Hunk first, predictably whipping up something scrumptious in the kitchen.

“Lance! Taste this. Combining the deramian organic matter with the standard goop fare has created a slightly acidic flavor, like balsamic.” Hunk brightened upon seeing Lance, offering him a spoonful of goo.

“S’good. Can you finish up and go to the den? Pidge has a team-building surprise in store.” Lance said, and Hunk blinked. The normally solitary Pidge was offering up a team exercise? 

“Yeah! That sounds great! I’m kinda proud of Pidge, ya know?” Hunk said, grinning. “I’ll be there in five.”

Lance found Coran and Allura next, who were talking about some kind of Altean warp drive _blah-blah-blah_ that didn’t sound important. “Guys!” Lance skidded in front of them, grinning. “How would you like to join in on some Team Voltron bonding?”

“That depends. Is this an actual team-building exercise? Because nothing should distract you from being one with your fellow paladins.” Allura said evenly, cocking her head. 

“Yes? I mean, Pidge asked me to get everyone but-,”

“Wow, Pidge did? Really? Gosh, that’s so out of character! Are you sure she isn’t up to something?” Coran asked, twiddling his mustache and grinning.

“Nuh uh. Trust me. I complained enough to Pidge and then she started a secret project, locked herself in her lab, and is now asking for team-bonding time. She’s _definitely_ trying to make me feel better.” Lance said confidently.

“Well, then perhaps we should let the paladins enjoy it first. We might come by later. The warp drive is in desperate need of a bit of recalibration. You go and enjoy yourselves.” Allura said, stately as always, and Lance tried not to stare after her as she and Coran left.

That left Shiro and Keith. Unfortunately, Lance found mullet-boy first. He wasn’t on the training deck, which was surprising, but he found him in his room, which was the second most likely place to find him moping. “Hey there, MCR. What’s shakin’?”

“No.” Keith said flatly, continuing to work on sharpening his knife like some kind of creepy ‘the world turned it’s back on me’ emo kid from high school. When Lance opened his mouth, he repeated, empathetically, “ _No._ Go away.”

“Aww, come on! I didn’t even say anything!” Lance protested. When Keith glared, sharpening his knife with a pointed stroke, Lance made sure to smile super big and bright to say, “Pidge asked me to round everyone up for some team-bonding fun. Your presence is obligatory, as much as it will pain me.”

Keith’s eyes narrowed. “Pidge? No way. That’s like me asking you to go sparring.”

“Har har, _chiste.”_ Lance said, rolling his eyes. “And I’m serious! Pidge has been working on something in her gremlin-hole and now she wants to share it with us! Can you pretend like you have a spark of happiness left in your black, empty soul?” 

Keith sighed, sheathing his knife.

“Yeah, buddy! Proud of you! We’re meeting in the den. I gotta go find Shiro.”

“Don’t ever call me your buddy ever again.” Keith said seriously, but he seemed happier with the reminder that Shiro would be there. Lance just offered him a saccharine-sweet smile, said, “Sure thing, buddy-sport-champ-bucko!” and left. Keith was lucky— the stupid fond smile that he couldn’t help but show was directed at Lance’s back as he left, and not embarrassingly at his front.

Lance found Shiro in the control room, scanning through the maps, looking at one distress signal after another, frowning. “Hey, Lance. What’s up?” He asked, rearranging his expression to something more lighthearted as Lance crossed the room.

“Get this. _Pidge_ wants to meet for team-bonding. She seems to have something in mind. Whaddya think? Feel up to it?” Lance said, waggling his eyebrows.

“Pidge asked?” Shiro looked both surprised and pleased. “Of course. We could always use some downtime as a team. I’m proud of her for doing something out of her comfort zone for our sake.”

“Alright, that makes everybody. Pidge asked to meet us in the den.” Lance said, leading the way.

“I wonder what brought this on,” Shiro mused as they walked. “Pidge isn’t one to readily socialize. Her and Keith would rather sit in silence then do anything like this. Something must have changed her mind.”

“It’s all for me,” Lance said smugly, and then proceeded to explain his comments at last night’s dinner leading to Pidge’s project and subsequent request for ‘family bonding’. “So, if you really think about it, it’s more like I subliminally put the idea in her head because my whining got to her. I’m basically a genius for one-upping a genius.” Lance finished as they headed into the den.

“Sure, Lance.” Shiro agreed, looking amused. Hunk was offering his latest creation as a snack to Pidge and Keith, who were trying to explain why it tasted like tomatoes or lemons instead. Sitting in the middle of the floor was an equal parts exciting and suspicious looking bag.

“No, guys, come on. Haven’t you ever had balsamic? My creation is definitely balsamic, not…lemon.” Hunk said, looking slightly disappointed. As the resident foodie, no one else (besides Lance) seemed to _really_ appreciate the careful and deliberate blending of flavors he was able to create.

“Sorry, no.” Keith said with a shrug. “I mean, it tastes good, but…”

“Nope.” Pidge told Hunk, and then said, “Lance, if you so much as touch that bag I will program your shower to only give you a taste of the Antarctic.” She threatened as Lance skipped to the bag, reaching for it. Lance pouted but retreated, ready for Pidge to take the lead. 

“What’s this all about, Pidge?” Shiro asked, joining the others on the floor instead of the couches.

“What it amounts to is that Lance’s whining gave me an idea.” Pidge said, and Lance grinned, reveling in the attention. “I don’t want to get all touchy-feely about this, but I miss home too. We all do. So I thought I’d bring it back a little. Also, it’s a safer outlet for Lance and Keith to be jerks besides yelling and displaying their frail, frail masculinities.”

“Oh.” Hunk said immediately, getting an inkling of what Pidge had been up to. Lance looked past the masculinity comment to lean forward in anticipation as Pidge opened the bag.

“ _No way!”_ He yelled gleefully as an honest to god set of _Uno_ cards appeared. “Pidge, you are the _best!”_ He hugged his fellow paladin until she made some kind of squeak, trying to worm out of it. “I love this game. I _love_ it.” Lance said excitedly, letting her go. Pidge adjusted her glasses, both smiling and frowning somehow as Lance continued, “We always used to play this at family reunions. Mi familia y yo son _expertos.”_

“Pidge, you are going to tear this team apart.” Hunk said, grinning, “Because I’m going to smoke you all!”

“I hope you’re ready, Keith; a _storm is coming_ for you, my friend!” Lance declared evilly.

“I’ve played _Uno_ too, Lance.” Keith snapped. “Don’t be so cocky!”

“What’s _Uno?”_ Shiro asked meekly, and the impending argument screeched to a halt as all four paladins turned to stare at Shiro. As the oldest by a fair number of years, a lot of jokes and references were lost on him. Sometimes even _Keith_ knew more than he did, but the paladins couldn’t quite believe that he’d never heard of such a legendary game.

“You poor, poor man. I’m both glad and sorry for you,” Hunk said first, grinning.

“ _Deal the cards,”_ Lance commanded almost at the same time, eyes sparkling. “You’ll love it, Shiro. Trust me.”

“Right. Because Shiro doesn’t know how to play, and because Lance is probably a gigantic cheater, I’m going to explain the rules.” Pidge said, smiling. _Uno_ had been the game to play at the Holt residence when tensions were a little high, because they always ended the game laughing and a little less angry or upset then when they started. Besides, she liked that the primary colors of the game matched their lions. “There are four colors, red, blue, yellow, and green. The cards are numbered zero through nine. You can play the same color on the same color, say a red three on a red four, _or_ you can put a yellow three over the red one and the move is still valid.” She found a few cards in the deck for a visual aid. 

“It’s kind of like crazy-eights,” Hunk supplied helpfully.

“There are also other cards that affect the person who plays after you: reverse, skip, wild, draw two, and the most feared and hated card, a wild/draw four.”

“Those are pretty self-explanatory, I think. You just do what the card says, and wild changes the color being played to whatever you want?” Shiro asked, picking up the rules quickly enough.

“Bingo. The goal of the game is to get rid of all of your cards. However, you have to say ‘uno’ when you get down to one card before someone else calls you out, otherwise you have to draw two cards.” Pidge answered.

“Uh, mi familia solamente juege que necesitaba tomar cuatro.” Lance objected, raising his hand. “What?” He said defensively when Hunk shook his head.

“That’s harsh, dude. _Harsh_.” 

“For the sake of Lance not complaining the whole time, it’s now draw four.” Pidge sighed. “You start with seven cards. Any questions?”

“No. It seems simple enough.” Shiro said, watching her deal the cards. 

Five minutes into the game, he soon became aware that this innocent looking card game was _anything_ but simple. He’d seen less savagery with the Galra. The game could probably bring a lesser man to tears. It was infuriating. It was fun. It was such an odd combination of ‘I love this!’ and ‘I will start a campaign to rid the universe of such evil!’ that he wasn’t sure who had ever thought that it was a good idea. 

He made a mental note that Pidge was even more crafty then he’d realized.

“Don’t do it, don’t do it, _god_ Keith, why? Why did you skip me again? I trusted you!” Lance whined as Keith silently laid his card, a full blown smile threatening to come out on his face.

“As a paladin of Voltron, I will restore balance to the universe,” Hunk said solemnly, and laid a reverse card.

“ _Sí. Sí!!!!”_ Lance laughed so evilly and dramatically that Shiro briefly wondered if Sendak had found his way back to their ship and was standing just outside the door. “Prepare to be _annihilated!!”_

The wild/draw four was played triumphantly, magnificently. It smacked against the other cards with a crisp noise, the harbinger of death. If their game were on the Internet back home, airhorns would be blasting for at least a minute, maybe more, with gleeful shouts of, “ _GET REKT!!”_ nearly drowning out the sound of Keith’s soul leaving his body.

“Okay.” Keith said, shrugging, and drew four cards. It was the most anticlimactic reaction to being stiffed like that Pidge had ever seen. She was honestly kind of impressed. Hunk also stared, surprised that Keith hadn’t started yelling at Lance.

“I—what?” Lance asked weakly as Shiro played his turn. “I—I don’t understand. Has god truly forsaken you, Keith? Do you not feel the icy winds of winter blowing? _Are you not a mortal man?!_ ”

“Oh, I think he knows all about icy winds,” Pidge said, smiling to herself as she held onto her reverse card. When the moment was right a few turns later, she played the card to reverse the flow back to the way it was, with Keith playing before Lance, and then sat back to watch the magic happen. 

Shiro played another card, thankfully not a skip, and then it was Keith’s turn. “Um, _Uno,”_ Keith said with a smile in his voice, playing his final card and sitting back. “This was actually kind of fun. Thanks, Pi-,”

An odd kind of wailing left Lance as he slumped over, his two remaining cards sliding out of his hands as the sweet embrace of death enveloped him. He’d lost. He’d lost to _Keith._

“Nicely done, Keith!” Shiro said, laying down his three remaining cards. Keith practically bloomed under the praise, flushing a bit as Hunk leaned over the discard to slap him on the shoulder.

“Should we play again?” Pidge asked slyly.

“No, I thin-,”

“ _YES._ Rematch. _Revancha.”_ Lance had returned to the world of the living, eyes burning as he gathered up the cards and began to shuffle.

Pidge, who had turned on the recorder on her datapad, saved the following clips for when she really needed cheering up:

 

“Do you want to form a team with me?” Lance asked.

“Sorry, that’s not how you play, Lance.” Hunk replied. “Don’t take it personally, man!” He added when Lance groaned, disappointed.

“You think he’d be used to rejection,” Keith muttered.

The room erupted in giggles, yells, and growls.

 

“I will stuff your tiny little body into a torpedo and launch it into space, Pidge!”

 

“I really am sorry, Kei-,” Shiro said sheepishly.

“You’re a horrible liar, Shiro! That is so freaking cold!” Lance interrupted, sounding both disappointed and gleeful that Keith had gotten skipped _again._ “Three skips in a row? Savage.”

 

“ _You didn’t say uno, you cheery yellow bastard!”_

 

“Dios te salve Maria, plena eres de gracia-,” Lance was reciting a Hail Mary, blessing himself, as Pidge let out a cackle of success after hitting Shiro with a draw two, then a skip, and then a draw four one right after the other when both Keith and Hunk kept playing reverse cards back and forth, over and over. 

“Pidge, why?” Shiro was asking, sounding lost, his hands full of cards.

“Sucks to suck,” Pidge said airily. 

“ _El Señor es contigo, bendita tú eres entre todas las mujeres y bendito es el fruto de tu vientre, Jesús.”_ Lance made blessing motions towards Shiro.

“I am frightened, Pidge. Truly frightened.”

 

“ _BOOM!”_ Lance yelled, winning. “I guess you could say I won by a _Lance-slide!”_

“Ew.”

“Shut up, Lance.”

 

“I—I did it!” Shiro won, smiling his amazing Dad™ smile as he put down his final card.

“I want to be mad so bad…but I can’t. Look at that face.”

“Like a puppy.”

“I remember when I was so young and innocent.”

“Lance, I’m seven years older than you.”

“ _Hush, my sweet summer child.”_  

 

“ _Ave Maria~,”_ Hunk was singing as he won, grinning as he slid his last card onto the stack. 

“I hate you so much right now.”

 

“Witness the almighty _POWER_ of blue, you peasants!”

“Witness t _his_ , Lance,” Keith, sounding irritated, as he played a wild/draw four. 

 

“Shut _up,_ you goddamn mighty morphin’ power ranger!”

“ _YOU TAKE THAT BACK!”_

 _“MAKE ME, YOU-!”_ Hunk was cut off as a muffled fight broke out between himself and Pidge, the girl latching onto his arm and punching at him.

It took Shiro a record-breaking six minutes to pull them apart.

 

Two hours later, Coran and Allura found the paladins yelling and screaming, _Uno_ cards scattered across the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the amazing human beings over at The Margarita Cult Theatre did a dramatic reading of this chapter. You can find it here: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rss-n0XDGkI)


	2. Twister

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance is bisexual af  
> Shiro is bisexual af  
> Keith is gay af  
> Hunk is adorable af  
> Pidge is diabolical af  
> Allura is badass af  
> Coran is amazing af

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't try and keep track of where their hands and feet are going because even I lost track and I'm the goddamn author

“Oh my god, oh dios mio, _guys! GUYS!”_ Hunk, Keith, and Shiro could hear Lance shouting from all the way down the hall. The space ship could get kind of cramped some days. It was hard talking to the same seven people all the time, and everyone pretty much knew everything about everyone. For instance, everyone knew that when Lance sounded _that_ excited that it was time to consider knocking him out so that everyone else could get some peace.

“ _Lance!_ Give it back; I’m not finished with it yet!” That was Pidge, sounding irritated. 

“Whoo boy. Good luck, Shiro.” Hunk said, picking his book back up. 

“Thanks, Hunk,” Shiro said sarcastically, getting up in preparation to separate an out-for-blood Pidge and an overly excited Cuban when the door to the den burst open and Lance streaked through, some kind of polka-dotted cape streaming out behind him. 

“ _GUYS!”_ Lance whipped off his cape and displayed it for them all to see, making it suddenly obvious that he’d been wearing a _Twister_ mat as a cape. 

“Pidge, you _didn’t.”_ Hunk called, bursting into laughter as she appeared, glowering. 

“It was supposed to be a _surprise,_ Lance.” She said, elbowing him hard in the ribs, snatching the mat back. “The spinner isn’t done yet anyway, so we can’t play.” 

“Sure we can! I built a randomizer a few days ago when I was bored.” Hunk said, setting down his book, still chuckling. “You can program it to pick a random color and body part in like, thirty seconds. It is _you,_ after all.” 

“What is all the racket in here?” Allura appeared, raising an eyebrow at the colored mat Lance snatched back from Pidge, holding it as if it was a priceless object. 

“Pidge has recreated another Earth game for us to unwind with. It won’t be as…vicious as _Uno_ was. I hope.” Shiro explained as Hunk ran off to get his randomizer. After the first round of _Uno_ that ended in belligerent shouting and screaming, Allura had confiscated the game until Pidge taught her and Coran how to play. After that, all seven of them had played at once, which led to a full two days where Coran wouldn’t speak to anyone, Allura breaking a couch in half, Keith giving Lance a black eye, and more angry yelling. However, once everyone had gotten over their grudges, they couldn’t deny that they felt calmer, and happier. The miracle of _Uno_ was that once you were done wishing the most horrible death upon the other players, it was actually quite a lot of fun. 

“Hmm. No cards this time. How is it played? What is it called?” Allura asked, watching Lance spread the mat out on the floor. 

“It’s called _Twister._ A spinner or randomizer tells you where to put a hand or foot, and on what color. The last person who is still in position without falling wins.” Shiro explained, watching Keith look completely unimpressed as Lance begged him to play. “It’s just a little less competitive.”

“Well, the last game Pidge made, after an adjustment period, strengthened this team. I will play.” Allura declared as Hunk came back, randomizer in hand. Pidge pulled out some kind of gizmo gadget and typed for a few seconds.

‘Left hand, red,’ the randomizer said in a flat monotone.

“Pidge, you _rock!”_ Hunk said, slapping her on the shoulder and nearly sending her face planting into the edge of the couch. 

“Gee, thanks,” Pidge said, adjusting her glasses, but she was grinning. “I’ll sit out the first round to work the randomizer. Keith, are you playing?”

“He’s playing,” Lance butted in, “Or I’m putting the Gladiator in the airlock and sending it into space.”

“Ugh, _fine.”_ Keith growled, shucking off his jacket. He stalked over to the mat, completely missing the flush that spread over Lance’s cheeks from watching his fellow paladin take off his clothes. 

“Be a _little_ less obvious, there, _cubano_ ,” Pidge sniggered, and Lance glared at her, shedding his own jacket and heading over to the mat. 

“You’re playing too, Allura? Great!” Hunk exclaimed as Allura joined them. “Shiro, are you?”

“I’ll play,” Shiro agreed. With all of the players assembled, Pidge settled down to watch the shit-show that was sure to unfold, trying not to grin too evilly. Clearing her throat, she started the randomizer. 

‘Left foot, blue.’

‘Right hand, yellow.’

“This seems simple.” Allura said as they all slowly competed for space. 

‘Left hand, red.’

“Uh oh,” Hunk wobbled, slowly reaching with his right hand, barely making it to a red dot. His balance was usually pretty good, but he was a big, burly guy with not a lot of space to move.

“Hunk, if you take me down I swear to god-,” Lance warned.

‘Left foot, green.’

There was much shuffling and complaining. Keith showed a half impressive, half frightening amount of flexibility, easily stretching into position. Hunk coughed and nudged Lance, who had frozen, staring at his teammate’s ass. Scowling, face burning hot, Lance slowly managed to move his foot. 

‘Right foot, red.’

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Lance whined, and then choked on his own spit when Keith easily split across the whole mat, holding himself up effortlessly. 

“Can’t keep up?” Keith asked innocently, unable to see Lance’s flushing face. 

“I can keep up!” Lance flared up defensively, whimpering a little as he forced his leg over. The only free dot within reach meant that he had to move his leg over and around Keith’s to get there. 

“Don’t rest on me, that’s cheating.” Keith snapped.

“I’m not cheating; _you’re_ cheating!” 

“Speaking of cheating,” Pidge said loudly, breaking up the impending argument as Hunk cursed and fell over, nearly taking out Shiro, “Allura, you can’t modify your body to reach the dots.”

“Why not?” Allura asked, completely not understanding. 

“Because on Earth, where the game was made, no one can make themselves taller or make their limbs longer. The point is you have to stretch.” Pidge said, smiling wickedly when Allura shrugged and complied, reaching through Shiro’s legs to play fairly. She was almost _positive_ that she saw Shiro gulp, but she couldn’t be sure. 

“You are truly diabolical. Seriously. Remind me to never mess with you.” Hunk chuckled quietly, sitting next to her on the floor and grinning when the randomizer called another ridiculous move. Keith ended up with his head nearly in Shiro’s crotch. Lance was balancing precariously, tangled with both Allura and Keith. 

“I do what I can,” Pidge said with a shrug, hitting the randomizer again.

‘Right elbow, green.’

“ _Pidge.”_ Shiro said disapprovingly. “You can’t modify the rules like that.”

“It’s not impossible,” Keith pointed out, contorting to place his elbow in the right spot. It brought his head closer to Shiro’s crotch. Allura ended up pressed into Shiro’s back. Lance cursed in Spanish repeatedly, straining, but managed to reach it, wound around Keith’s legs. 

“Call the next one, for the love of god,” Lance puffed.

“Oh, look, it’s frozen.” Pidge said in a monotone, messing with Lance.

“ _Pidge!”_

“Alright, alright. Calm down, Lancelot.” 

‘Left foot, blue.’

“ _Madre de dios!”_ Lance huffed, squirming and nearly face-planting on the mat when Allura moved into position. 

“Keith,” Shiro said, trying to sound as professional as possible as Keith moved, his chin resting on Shiro’s upper thigh. 

“What? It’s left foot blue, move,” Keith said, missing the reason for Shiro’s discomfort. 

“I bet you dessert for a week that someone gets hit in the bits,” Hunk said in an undertone as Pidge hit the randomizer.

“Oh, come on. That’s _definitely_ going to happen.” Pidge snorted.

‘Left knee, yellow.’

“Pidge, you are a _monster!”_ Lance declared, barely managing it, gulping a bit when Keith’s butt got very, _very_ close to his face.

“ _Oof!”_ Shiro’s robotic hand slid on the material of the mat, making him fall. Allura calmly did a handstand to avoid him, and then put her feet, elbow, and knee back into position once he’d gotten up. 

“This is a very fun game. It’s like a warm up for sparring!” Allura said brightly. “I commend you, Pidge.” 

“Thank you,” Pidge said smugly, hitting the randomizer.

‘Right hand, blue.’

“Keith, get _sus naglas_ out of my face!” Lance spluttered as Keith’s ass practically brushed Lance’s cheek. Lance was blushing furiously, desperately trying not to move. 

“Keith, I will do your chores for two weeks if you fart right now.” Hunk said immediately.

“Hunk,” Shiro said disapprovingly, trying not to laugh.

" _Cállate, diablo!”_ Lance yelled, glaring menacingly at Hunk, who was sniggering. 

“I can’t fart on command, sorry,” Keith said. “Why?” He glanced over his shoulder and blinked when he realized how close his ass was to Lance’s face. A second later, he flushed the same color as his lion, hastily facing the other way again. 

‘Right hand, green.’

“Well, this sure looks like fun!” Coran said, coming in, watching Allura stretch effortlessly to manage the next call. Lance audibly gulped as Keith’s ass moved away. The trade off was that he had to reach through Allura’s legs, putting his crotch even with Keith’s face. 

“It’s called _Twister._ It’s another Earth game Pidge re-created for us.” Shiro explained.

“Have there been any fights yet?” Coran asked immediately, grinning. 

“Not…yet.” Shiro said, wincing in anticipation of a fight breaking out to contradict him. The universe _loved_ proving him wrong most days. 

“I’d say _Uno_ is a fighting kind of game. _Twister_ has more….tension.” Hunk said, grinning as Lance and Keith caught each other’s eye and flushed furiously.

“Pidge, hurry up and call the next one already!” Keith called, sounding mildly uncomfortable. 

“The way I see it, if you can’t trust your fellow comrades not to fall right into your crotch, you can’t trust them in battle,” Pidge told Coran, shrugging, ignoring Keith completely. 

“Just like a pack of yelmars.” Coran said, catching on. “That little brain of yours is dangerous.” 

“ _Pidge. Ayúdame.”_ Lance sounded slightly strangled, and was determinedly _not_ looking at anyone. 

“Yeah, it’s a trust exercise,” Pidge said, grinning at Coran. “Plus, like Allura said, it’s kind of like a warm-up. Gets you good and flexible, you know?”

“You Earthlings sure do have your innovations. To think we had you listed as primitive in our databases!” Coran said, fluffing Pidge’s hair fondly. 

“Pidge, please call the next move,” Allura called calmly, watching Lance and Keith sweat nervously, tangled up in each other and pointedly trying not to burn red with embarrassment. 

“Oh, right.” Pidge said, hitting the randomizer. 

‘Left foot, red.’

“ _Madre de Dios,”_ Lance whined, slowly, slowly moving into position, limbs shaking. He gulped when Keith then slid into position, his ass very, _very_ close to Lance’s crotch. Dangerously close. “Hey, guys, have you ever noticed how _ugly_ Ilupians are?” Lance hastily thought of the most grotesque alien species he could think of, willing that his body would behave. If his body betrayed him he would throw himself into an airlock. He would never live it down. He’d call up the Galra and ask for a quick death, because he’d be _damned_ if he let Keith know that—

“Lance, that’s not very nice.” Allura chided, glancing at him over her shoulder. A few wisps of hair were coming free from her styled hair, and the sight of them curled against the back of her neck was oddly enticing. Combined with her muscles and Keith’s proximity, he was sweating bullets. “As paladins of Voltron, you need to be sensitive to all species of life.”

“Sorry,” Lance muttered when Shiro nodded his agreement. 

“You look kinda nervous, Lance.” Pidge said slyly. “Why is that?”

“You afraid of losing?” Keith asked confidently, not at all understanding Pidge’s line of questioning.

“ _No!”_ Lance denied hastily. “I’ll kick your ass! I’ll kick Allura’s ass! I’ll kick my own ass!” He burned hot, flushing, as Pidge sniggered, hitting the randomizer.

‘Right hand, yellow.’

‘Left hand, yellow.’

‘Left elbow, yellow.’

“I like this vibe.” Hunk said, grinning, as the paladins jockeyed for space. Lance, out of all of the moves, fell on the easiest one, nearly clipping his chin on the mat. 

“Hasta la _later,_ Lance.” Keith said, and Lance made strangling motions in midair, growling, as he slunk off the mat. 

“I am impressed with your flexibility, Keith.” Allura said as the two remaining players got ready for the long haul. “But perhaps you should quit while you are ahead?”

“I never quit.” Keith said seriously.

‘Right hand, red.’

‘Left hand, yellow.’ 

“That one is already there, spin again.” Hunk said. “Although yellow _is_ the superior color.”

‘Left foot, red.’

Lance let out a kind of strangled noise when Keith managed to lift his leg _around_ his head and place it in the right spot. He could see his muscles shaking a bit to hold it, but he was keeping up with Allura, who was also disgustingly flexible. The game would come down to strength, not ‘twistability’. “Lance, are you alright?” Shiro asked, mistaking the strangled noise for something else, like choking.

“Stop choking on your own spit, dude. You lost, you just have to accept that,” Hunk saved Lance from embarrassment, smacking him on the back a few times. 

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Lance muttered, folding his arms and willing his face to stop flushing. 

‘Left knee, green.’

“Impossible.” Pidge muttered, hitting the randomizer again.

‘Right elbow, blue.’

“ _Ow.”_ Keith hissed, moving to the right spot, his left elbow quaking dangerously. His left foot nearly slipped off the mat, but he wavered and caught his balance again.

“Don’t hurt yourself, Keith. Winning isn’t worth putting yourself in a regeneration pod.” Shiro said wisely. 

“Call the next one,” Keith demanded, not willing to give up. 

‘Right foot, red.’ There was an audible sigh of relief from Keith as he untangled himself gingerly, holding an easier position. Seconds later, he was on the mat, groaning, as Allura had slipped on the slippery surface and kneed Keith directly in the bits.

“I— I truly am sorry, Keith!” Allura apologized, moving out of the proper position. 

“I _told_ you it would happen.” Pidge told Hunk, trying not to laugh. 

“M’fine.” Keith got up gingerly, winded, trying not to hold his crotch. He told himself to walk it off, but he only made it to a couch before sinking down onto it, grimacing. 

“Well, I guess that makes Allura the victor!” Coran said brightly.

“Yeah, by assassinating Keith’s balls.” Lance said, wincing in sympathy. “I guess you won’t be having kids, Keith. I wouldn’t want to give someone the genetics for a mullet anyway.”

“Shut up, Lance,” Keith gritted out. 

“You could help him to the Infirmary to take care of it,” Hunk suggested, and both Lance and Keith flushed as red as the dots on the _Twister_ mat. 

“I’m fine!”

“Like I would _ever—!”_

“Anyway,” Shiro said pointedly, cutting off indignant spluttering. “Would anyone like to play again? Pidge?”

“I’m good on the randomizer, thank you.” She denied, smiling. “Last time I played _Twister,_ Matt broke my glasses clean in half so then I broke his nose.”

“Atta girl,” Hunk said proudly, getting up and stretching. “I’ll try to last a little longer. Coran, did you want to try?”

“I’ll give it a go, sure! Allura? Lance? Keith? Ready to be annihilated by your favorite Altean?” Coran asked, wiggling his eyebrows.

“I will sit this one out, thank you. I am already a victor.” Allura said primly, sitting on the couch next to Pidge. 

“I’m good,” Keith said, voice still tight.

“I’ll play.” Lance said, seeing a chance to win. If both Keith and Allura were out, that meant he had a much, _much_ better chance at coming out on top. The two best and the two most _distracting_ people were gone. Although, the way Shiro’s arms flexed when he—

‘Left foot, yellow.’ Pidge started the game, cutting off his thoughts. 

 _Twister_ ended up almost the complete opposite way that _Uno_ had. The sweaty, exhausted, and slightly frustrated (in more ways than one) paladins had tired themselves out. Keith limped off to his room, Hunk headed for the kitchen to start dinner with Coran, Allura headed back to the control room with Shiro, and Pidge packed up the game as Lance and Hunk flopped back onto the couches.

“You are not allowed to make another Earth-game again.” Lance declared, throwing an arm over his eyes. 

“Why not? Keith was staring at your ass for like, half of that game.” Pidge said plainly, and Lance let out a squeak kind of noise, jerking upright. 

“It was kind of gross to watch, to be honest.” Hunk agreed. “You guys really need to just…” he made gesturing motions with his hands, urging them on, and Lance bolted to his feet.

“I—I have no idea what you’re talking about!” Lance barked, hastily leaving the room. 

“So…you’re definitely making another one, right?” Hunk asked after a moment of silence.

“Oh, most definitely.” Pidge said, grinning diabolically. 


	3. Connect Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Featuring: drinking games, cuddling, airhorns, gayness
> 
> Because of 'draw the squad' posts on Tumblr involving the paladins of Voltron playing Connect Four made me really want to write this
> 
> and because I LOVE Connect Four
> 
> [You all have been so kind and supportive so THANK YOU so much for reading this story and commenting and leaving kudos and being amazing. It's easy to write more chapters of this when I know that people actually enjoy it!]

The ship had finally gone quiet.

After being stuck three days on a marshy planet, Coran, Allura, and Hunk working constantly to get the muck out of components of the ship, they were finally in the air. The planet had been hot and muggy, and Coran had deflected power from the cooling mechanisms to the tools Hunk needed to clean filth out of the landing gear so they could leave. The heat in the castle had gotten oppressive, and tempers had been short. Hunk had even _raised his voice,_ yelling at _Shiro_ of all people who asked why the coolant system had stopped working.  He’d apologized later, and all of the paladins had taken cool showers once the ship was back in space, muck free.

The exhausted Team Voltron had slept off most of their irritation for the marshy planet, and the ship, quiet and cool, had been a good time for Shiro to meditate. He sat cross-legged in his room, mind emptying of all thoughts of anger, Galra, Voltron, protecting his fellow paladins, and saving the universe. For a while, he could just think about nothing and relax—

An airhorn, shrill and irritating, went off at enough decibels to make Shiro cringe, all happy and calm thoughts leaving in an instant. The air horn went off again, and again, and _again._ Sighing, Shiro got to his feet and followed the noise, investigating. Not surprisingly, he was led to the den.

“Lance, _shut up!”_ Pidge was hissing. “If you set that off one more time you’ll wake up Shiro!”

“Sorry, Piglet. A man has to celebrate his _victory._ Hasta la _later,_ Keith!” Lance sounded smug.

“ _What did you just call me?_ ” Pidge demanded, voice icy and promising violence.

“Ooookay. Alright. Lance, give me the datapad. Pidge, take your rage out on Lance in a _friendly_ way. You're up.” Hunk, ever the mediator, darted in to save the situation. It was hard to believe that 48 hours previously he’d _bellowed_ at Shiro. The yellow paladin was now, thankfully, back to his calm and happy ways. “ _Lance,”_ Hunk warned, and Shiro heard Lance sigh.

“Just let it be known that I _smoked_ Keith.” 

“I will kill you.” Keith said instantly, voice deadly serious.

“Alright, kiddos! Don’t make me do my best ‘I’m the Dad of this group’ Shiro impersonation. Because I will. Lance, Pidge, reset the game.” Hunk said with mock cheerfulness, and just like that everything made sense. Pidge had made _another_ game from Earth, and they’d all sat down to play it, assuming that Shiro was sleeping. 

“I actually want to see that impression.” Pidge said thoughtfully. “You’ve really got to sell it though.” Shiro could hear pieces moving as the game was reset. 

“ _Ahem.”_ Hunk cleared his throat dramatically. “Guys, guys! Calm down, alright? We’re a team, on and off the field.” he started, impression almost dead on.

“ _Oh my god.”_ Pidge snorted. “I hope you recorded that, Hunk.”

“You guys need to respect one another. These games are a lot of fun, but just remember that they’re only games, alright?” Hunk continued, and Shiro heard snickers fill the room. 

“Pidge made these games for team bonding, so that’s what they should be used for.” Shiro chimed in, lounging in the doorway.

“Wow, Hunk that was _spot—-_ on.” Keith’s eyes widened at the sight of Shiro, and the rest of the paladins turned, guilty.

“Piglet started it,” Lance said immediately, and then let out a loud, ‘ _OW!’_ when Pidge threw a pillow at his face. 

“Don’t call me Piglet, Lancelot.” Pidge threatened.

“Okay, Pidgey McPiglet— _ow, OW, Pidge—!”_ Lance fell under a hailstorm of pillows and a few tiny but hard punches as Pidge launched herself at Lance. 

“Okay, break it up. I’m not mad about the impression, Hunk. It was pretty good.” Shiro said, and Hunk sighed audibly in relief as Shiro waded into the fray, separating Pidge from Lance by picking her up by the scruff. “I _am,_ however, mad about the air horn.”

“Lance downloaded it onto my datapad without telling me.” Pidge said, glaring at Lance. The fact that Shiro was still holding her up off the ground by the scruff should have ruined the effect of her angry look, but it didn’t. Nothing could really quell her rage when she got going. “I hope you like that sound, Lance, because I will hack your iPod to play only that _all night long.”_

“ _Ugh. Me duele todo.”_ Lance whined, rubbing his face. “And I—um, I concede. Sorry, Pidge.” Lance knew when he was beaten. “And sorry about the airhorn, Shiro. It’s just, um, we’re playing _Connect Four_ , you know? But with nunville for the loser. It’s getting intense.” Lance gestured to the game setup, the familiar blue frame, yellow grid, and black and red disks. 

“The loser has to drink a cup of nunville?” Shiro asked for clarification, setting Pidge down. 

“Well, it’s more like a shot’s worth, but yes.” Hunk said, holding up the glass and the bottle of nunville. “It was, um, Lance’s idea.”

“Why am I not surprised.” Shiro said as Lance and Pidge took their positions, Lance demanding that he could play as the red pieces. He missed Keith’s hasty flush at his insistence, as Lance had his back to him, but Pidge winked at Keith, which made him scowl. “Pidge, have you been having any? On Earth you’d be underage.” Shiro pointed out. He was sure that he could stop Pidge before she drank too much, but he had to draw the line somewhere, and keeping the diabolical genius in their midst from drinking alcohol was probably a good place to start. 

“I’m too good to lose, Shiro.” Pidge said smugly, as if that solved everything. 

“We’ll see about that, _pingüino.”_ Lance declared, dropping in one of his pieces. Ten moves later, Pidge dropped her final piece, making four in a row.

“You merely adopted the dark. I was born to it. Molded by it. _Changed_ by it.” Pidge cackled as Lance stared in disbelief. “Drink up!” 

Muttering, Lance took his shot, shivering head to foot as he forced himself to swallow the nunville.

“I’ll play. But if you lose, Pidge, you aren’t drinking.” Shiro said in a fatherly tone, sitting across from her.

“Aww, but _Dad,”_ Pidge whined jokingly, just to see Shiro blink at the title and Hunk choke on his own spit, shoulders shaking with laughter. “Okay, fine. No feet and hotdog water for me. Can I give my shot to anyone I want if I lose?”

“I shouldn’t say yes, but fine, yes,” Shiro agreed, and that evil little smirk appeared on Pidge’s face as she made her first move.

“He’s lining up his shot; concentrating. The room is silent with anticipation. Breathless, the crowd watches as-,” Hunk broke his amazing impression of Coran to snort a little bit when Keith looked at him incredulously, grinning. “-as Takashi Shirogane considers the board and….places his piece. Such beauty and precision. It’s poetry in motion. _Crikey_.” 

“You are seriously _way_ too good at that,” Lance said from where he was lying backwards over a couch, eyes crossed a bit as he watched the _Connect Four_ game. “Why didn’t you use that skill while we were in the Garrison? You could have impersonated our teachers!”

“Because my soul is pure, Lance. Pure, like snow.” Hunk said, touching his chest and closing his eyes in mock seriousness. When he opened his eyes, Lance was rolling his, and Pidge was playing one of her disks, smirking. “ _Oi, crikey!_ It’s unbelievable!” Hunk yelled, scooting closer as he realized what Pidge had done. “Shirogane is boxed in, no way to run! No matter what the poor sod plays, Pidge Holt will take home the prize! Oh, the humiliation! It’s all over!”

“Hunk, please.” Shiro sighed, realizing that he was right. Pidge had masterfully created several ways to win. No matter what his next move was, she was going to take the game. He put his piece in randomly, knowing better than to dwell over his fate. 

“Oops.” Pidge said pointedly, playing her piece in the one of the few spots that didn’t give her a win. 

“ _Unbelievable! She’s giving it up!”_ Hunk continued his Coran/announcer impression. 

“Pidge, what are you doing?” Keith asked, coming closer also. “You have it in the bag!” Shiro cautiously played his next piece, getting three in a row.

“I am all above you. I can _choose_ to lose. Fear me, peasants.” Pidge said dramatically, dropping her piece in yet another spot that didn’t yield a win. 

“Oh my god. You’re honestly losing just to prove a point?” Lance had also scooted closer, peeking over Keith’s shoulder. “That’s terrifying, Pidge. _Dios mio.”_

“Pidge.” Shiro warned, dropping his piece to win. “What are you planning?”

“The inner workings of my mind are an enigma, Shiro.” Pidge said with a straight face. Hunk broke down into deep, belly laughs as she turned to Keith and said with far too adorable of an expression, “Drink, Keith.”

“What? Me? _Why?”_ Keith asked, baffled. He hadn’t pissed off Pidge in at least a month; he wasn’t sure what she was retaliating for. 

“No reason. I’m just spreading the nunville around. Hunk and Lance have had one, but you haven’t.” Pidge said with far too innocent of a shrug.

“You’re definitely up to something. I hate how smart you are,” Keith muttered, downing the shot of nunville and grimacing at the flavor. 

“No, you guys love it. You all do.” Pidge said confidently, getting up from her side of the game. As they played round after round, it became clear to Hunk and Shiro what she had in mind. Pidge was good enough at the game to always manipulate Keith and Lance to drink by either winning or losing on purpose to give her shot to someone else. Five games later, both Keith and Lance were _plastered,_ cuddling together on the floor. 

“Ur mullet is _soft._ Like a beanie baby.” Lance was mumbling, fluffing it with his nose. 

“Pidge,” Shiro said disapprovingly as Pidge took a break from the current game to snap a picture on her datapad, but he was fighting desperately not to grin at the sight of the two most volatile paladins cuddling in a pile. 

“What?” Pidge asked innocently, beating Hunk yet again. Hunk, who could handle about four times the amount of liquor as anyone else, shrugged and took his shot. The longer they played, the more he could get used to the stuff. “It’s just a game, right?” Pidge continued, grinning.

“I’m calling it. I think we’ve all had enough.” Shiro declared, helping Hunk put the game neatly away. He had a light buzz from the nunville, which was about all he was willing to tolerate with the Galra on the loose. “I’m glad we got to unwind like this, especially after how tense things got, but next time no nunville, alright? We’re always on duty, even if it doesn’t feel like it.” 

“Deal. Keith will refuse next time anyway, especially when he wakes up like that,” Pidge said, grinning and nodding to the pile of limbs that were Keith and Lance on the carpet. She got up, throwing a blanket over them, and one of the boys _cooed_ at the softness, pulling it up over their heads. “Sweet dreams, you repressed weirdos.”

“M’good, thanks,” Keith said deliriously from under the blanket. 

“ _Shhh, mi amor.”_ Lance mumbled in response. 

“Come on, you two. Leave them be,” Shiro said with as much sternness has he could manage, ushering Hunk and Pidge out. He sent one fond smile at the blob that was Lance and Keith before he switched off the light. 


	4. Jenga

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Memes. Jenga. More nunville. Reminiscing.

It took Keith longer than usual to find Pidge. When he finally did find her, it was to see her hanging half out of an air vent, somehow at ease with the ridiculous position. She pushed her glasses higher up her nose and kept typing on her datapad, indifferent to being completely upside down. “Hey, Pidge.” he called, stopping directly underneath her.

“Yeah?” Pidge didn’t glance away from her work. She was tag-teaming a project with Coran to make a stronger encryption on the castle’s defenses. It had been her obsession for the past week, or, it felt like that, anyway. It was hard to tell how much time was passing when they were in space. 

“Can I borrow your lab?” Keith made himself ask the question, and Pidge stopped typing, angling her head down further to look at him incredulously. “I’d borrow Hunk’s, but he’d…hover. He means well, but I know what I’m doing. I don’t need help.”

“That depends. What _are_ you doing?” Pidge asked curiously. 

“It’s a secret. But it’s team-bonding kind of stuff. A game.” Keith said, and Pidge raised her eyebrows, the effect ruined by the fact that she was upside down. 

“A game, huh? Okay, sure. If you touch or ruin any of my projects, I will make your life miserable. Otherwise, have at it. If you cut a limb off, use the castle comm system to call us so you don’t bleed to death, okay?” Pidge said, going back to her datapad. “Oh, and if you use the jigsaw, ease up on the power; it takes a while to get it going up to full speed.”

“Uh, thanks.” Keith absorbed the advice, and Pidge just nodded absentmindedly at her datapad, already immersed in her encryption again. 

It didn’t take Keith long. It was a simple game to make, and he was good with power tools after spending years on his own. Pidge’s project tables were cluttered messes, but the rest of her lab, especially the organized tools, was spotless. He saw something that looked suspiciously like _Monopoly,_ but he didn’t dare touch it. Game finished, Keith borrowed the bag Pidge had put _Uno_ in and wandered up to the den. 

“Hey, Keith,” Hunk greeted, using a screwdriver to pry apart some sort of gadget. Keith had seen Hunk crush small _rocks_ in his incredible grip, and yet he could very delicately find tiny screws and pull things apart. “What’s that?” Hunk asked, gesturing briefly with his screwdriver before resuming what he was doing. 

“I made a game for us to play.” Keith said plainly, and Hunk blinked up at him before grinning widely, setting down his project. 

“Dude. _Dude._ Yes. I am excited for this,” Hunk said, lifting Keith into a giant bear hug. “It’s going to be awesome.” 

“Uh. Yeah.” Keith agreed, patting Hunk on the back gingerly, secretly grateful for the giant hug. Everyone knew that Hunk gave the _best_ hugs, even better than Shiro. Shiro’s were full of support and were rare, which made them special, but Hunk could _swamp_ someone, lifting them clear off the ground and making them feel safe and loved. “You don’t even know what it is yet,” Keith said as Hunk set him down. 

“Doesn’t matter. I know it will be great,” Hunk said, pulling out his comm link. “Hey, listen up. Keith made us a team-bonding game. Drop everything and get to the den.”

“ _Keith_ _did? Seriously?”_ Lance responded first, sounding incredulous. “ _What did he make it out of, knives?”_

“ _I’m on my way.”_ Pidge sounded like she was smiling.

 _“Keith, I’m curious to see what you made for us. Thank you for doing this.”_ Shiro said, sounding amused. “ _I’m coming too.”_

Ten minutes later, the paladins of Voltron were assembled. “All I’m saying is that there is _definitely_ a knife involved.” Lance was saying, gesturing to Keith. “I mean, _come on.”_

“There isn’t a knife.” Keith snapped.

“The suspense truly is breathtaking.” Hunk said, grinning good-naturedly. “It’s got to fit in the bag, so that narrows down my guesses a bit. Can we have a hint?”

“It’s _Jenga_.” Keith said anticlimactically, dumping the bag out to reveal the rectangles. They were made out of polymer instead of wood, as wood was impossible to come by in _space,_ but it was a perfect replica otherwise. 

“Awww, Keith, you’ve got to _sell_ it a little more!” Lance complained as Shiro sat forward, starting to stack the pieces into the traditional tower. 

“Awww, Keith!” Hunk’s impression was spot on, utter perfection, and Pidge’s head snapped up at the sound. She probably had a million ideas on how to use his mimicry for evil purposes.

“Hunk, only use your powers for good.” Shiro warned absentmindedly, slotting the rectangles into position with Keith. “Oh, they say things,” Shiro added, flipping a rectangle over to see something carved into the block. ‘ _EMBARRASSING STORY’_ was etched into the side. 

“Uh, yeah. I added prompts.” Keith said with a shrug. “I thought I’d make it more interesting.”

“So you pick a block and do what it says? Simple gameplay, not-so-simple results. This looks fun!” Hunk complimented, picking up a rectangle as well. ’10 PUSHUPS’ was inscribed on his, and he added it to the tower. 

“Thanks,” Keith said, internally relieved that the team was supporting his game. It wasn’t flashy or super complicated, and he’d worried that his team would lose interest. 

“Kiss Lance?” Pidge asked incredulously, picking up and reading a rectangle.

“ _What?”_ Lance spluttered.

“I—I didn’t make that!” Keith denied, startled and flustered.

“Ha! Just messing with you guys.” Pidge actually _giggled,_ putting the rectangle into the stack, indifferent to the embarrassed glares from Lance and Keith.

“Pidge, that wasn’t funny.” Shiro lectured, but looked as if he was fighting down a smile. “You need to apologize.”

The green paladin heaved a huge sigh before saying, “I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, you better be.” Keith muttered, finishing the tower. Lance, suspiciously, said nothing. 

“Okay, um, before we break this apart, can we rename it _Voltron_ instead of _Jenga?_ Get it? Because we formed it together?” Hunk said, grinning.

“ _Lame_.”

“Lance!”

“Sorry, sorry.” 

“Let’s…just start. Who wants to go first?” Shiro intervened. The paladins glanced at one another before Pidge shrugged, selected one straight from the middle, and delicately poked it out of position. 

“Funny story,” Pidge read off of her _Jenga_ piece, considering it. “Oh! Did I tell you guys about the time I hacked Commander Iverson’s datapad to play ‘ _Never Gonna Give You Up’_ every time he tried to type an email about space exploration?”

“What song is that?” Keith asked, confused, as Lance and Hunk burst into laughter, almost knocking the tower over as Lance flopped over, laughing helplessly.

“You’ve probably heard it before if I have, Keith.” Shiro reassured him, trying his hardest not to laugh and failing. He remembered the tough and unfriendly Commander Iverson from when _he_ was a cadet. Picturing him scowling and yelling and smacking his datapad was enough to make anyone who knew him laugh. 

“ _We’re no strangers to loo~oove,”_ Hunk crooned, and Pidge snorted with laughter.

“ _You know the rules, and so do I~!”_ Lance chimed in, cackling. “I can’t believe you, Pidge! Was that when you were still hacking him every other day, or was that when you were a cadet?”

“Oh, that was when I was a cadet. I had to get my revenge somehow.” Pidge said, grinning and sitting back, cushioning her head with her hands. 

“Okay, okay. My turn.” Hunk said, still laughing, and very slowly picked a piece off from the edge. Etched into the side was ‘FAVORITE MOVIE’. “ _Oh!_ Yeah, I love this!” Hunk declared, pumping his fist. “Favorite movie? _Um, hello, Eat Pray Love?”_

Pidge choked on a laugh, spluttering and gasping. Lance snorted, hard, and started to laugh uncontrollably.

“What’s _Eat Pray Love?”_ Keith asked Shiro, who shrugged.

“It’s only the best movie _ever_ made. Julia Roberts travels the world, meets exciting people, tries _amazing_ food, finds herself, and _pets an elephant.”_ Hunk started raving immediately. “Javier Bardem is in it, which is also a _huge_ plus.”

“ _Oh my god,”_ Lance wheezed, shaking with laughter. “Hunk, my man, _oh dios mio.”_

“Breathe, Pidge,” Shiro advised, seeing as Pidge was almost in hysterics.

“It’s a _chick flick._ It’s one of those inspirational movies where she changes her life and falls in love.” She gasped finally. “It’s like the most goopy ridiculous movie ever. Hunk, I love you, man. Of _course_ that movie is your favorite.”

“I was going to say _The Lion King_ to score some points with Yellow, but I gotta stay true.” Hunk said proudly. “She goes to Italy, and India, and—,”

“My turn,” Lance interrupted, easing a rectangle out and flipping it over. “Siblings, huh?” he read off. “Whoo boy. Too many to count, half the time. There’s Sam and Leah and Esperanza (who we all call _Burbuja_ by the way), um…oh, Tim and Marcelino are twins…” Lance started counting on his fingers. “My mom remarried.” He explained hastily before adding, “Miguel, annnnddd….Aleta. That’s seven. Eight if you count me.”

“That’s….a lot.” Keith stated the obvious, and Lance grinned.

“Heck yeah it is! Imagine playing _Uno_ with all of your siblings. What we get up to makes the games I’ve played with you guys look tame. One time my mom took off her _chancla_ and had to make literal rounds to get us all.”

“What’s a _chancla?”_ Keith asked.

“Only the most feared weapon in all existence. Never piss off a Latina  _mamá._ Basically it’s a sandal that feels like it’s made out of titanium and has better accuracy than our lions. That thing will _whip_ at your head at deadly speeds.” Lance said seriously. “Pretty sure my mom is going to send hers directly through my skull when I finally go home.”

“Favorite band?” Shiro read off of a tile before Lance could sink into a depressive episode about how much he missed home. The point of the games was to ease their homesickness, not to make it worse, and no one could really stand to see Lance truly upset. “Um, FLOW. No question.”

“You’re old, Shiro. None of us know what that is.” Pidge pointed out. 

“It’s a group from Japan.” Shiro said with a shrug. “I guess you could say it’s a mix between pop and rock.” 

“Pop music is the only way to go.” Hunk said seriously. “Like, uh, Backstreet Boys? Heck yes.” 

“ _Backstreet’s back, alright,”_ Pidge sang under her breath automatically, and then slapped Hunk a high five. 

“Oh, great.” Keith grumbled, picking out a tile and scowling. ‘CHICKEN DANCE’ was carved into it. He’d picked the one tile he desperately hadn’t wanted, and it was his own fault for making such a stupid piece in the first place. “I’m such an idiot.” He got to his feet, and reluctantly started the chicken dance. He flushed when Lance laughed hard and loud enough to probably alert the Galra to their location. Shiro gaped before hastily muffling laughter behind his hand, doing his best not to outwardly burst out laughing. 

“ _Wooo!_ Nice moves, Keith!” Hunk said, clapping to the beat and laughing. Grumbling and trying not to laugh in utter humiliation, Keith sunk back down to the floor. 

“I admire your sacrifice,” Pidge said seriously, biting her lip to keep from laughing as she eagerly took another piece. “Oh, _ew._ Drink two cups of nunville?”

“Nope.” Shiro negated immediately.

“Aww, come _on,_ Shiro! It’s not going to hurt anything. Wee little Pidge can take it, can’t you?” Lance cooed.

“One, Lance, shut up, and two, Shiro, I can totally drink two cups of nunville and be fine. I think. Come on, it’s the law of the game!” Pidge argued. “I picked that tile, so I have to do what it says.”

“Yeah, pretty sure it’s intergalactic law.” Hunk said seriously, already getting up to get some. After some rummaging, he found a bottle of the stuff stowed in a cupboard in the den— Coran would sit in there and have a glass after a long day. There were two glasses; sometimes Allura joined him, although it was rare. Grinning, Hunk poured two glasses as Shiro watched, disapproving. “Bottoms up, Pidge!”

“I’m surprised you added nunville to this game at all after the _Connect Four_ debacle.” Pidge said, picking up the first cup. 

“We swore to never talk about that again.” Keith said coolly, wincing a bit in sympathy when Pidge chugged the first glass like a champ, shivering violently as she worked it down. 

“Sorry. I’ve got to take the edge off of this stuff somehow. _Yeesh.”_ Pidge pulled a face, downing the second glass. “Oh god. Now I know what it’s like to feel like Hunk in the cockpit of a ship.”

“Maybe now you’ll be more sympathetic.” Hunk said sagely, taking a tile carefully, refusing to pick off of the top; that was taking the easy way out. “Pets.” He read off the rectangle before stacking it on top of his other one. “I never actually had a pet growing up, but I _did_ volunteer at the local animal shelter, so I really had like _fifty_ pets. Dogs, cats, a chinchilla…you name it, I’ve taken care of it.”

“That had to have been a lot of fun. We never had pets growing up either. _Mamá_ could barely handle us, let alone animals on top of it.” Lance said. “I’ve always wanted a dog. No offense, Blue.”

“Matt had a guinea pig ages ago. I preferred my hermit crabs, honestly.” Pidge said with a shrug. “I’m allergic to dogs, and my Mom is allergic to cats so that pretty much sealed our family’s fate.”

“No pets for me. Shiro?” Keith asked.

“We had a German Shepherd named Earl. My Dad watched some American western movie and named the dog after one of the characters. That dog was fantastic.” Shiro said fondly. “You alright?” He asked when Pidge burped loudly and unexpectedly for a half amazing, half disgusting amount of time. 

“ _Wow._ Yeah, I’m, um, fine. Great, actually.” Pidge said, blinking a few times. 

“Uh oh. Pidge, you are not allowed to get drunk off of only two glasses.” Hunk said firmly. “You have to have a higher tolerance than that.”

“Hunk, she weighs like a hundred pounds soaking wet.” Keith pointed out. “Coran gets drunk after three glasses.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Pidge slurred a little, waving a hand dismissively. “Lance, yer up.”

“Right.” Lance eased out one from the base of the tower, grinning in triumph as he flipped it over to read the inscription. ‘ACCENT’ was carved in neat letters on the back. “Accent? Like, my Cuban accent?”

“No, you just have to imitate an accent.” Keith explained. 

“And you can’t do Spanish, because that’s cheating.” Hunk said immediately. 

“Oh! I got it. _Burbuja_ watched that one movie, _Brave,_ like fifty thousand million times. “ Lance said, sitting up straight in preparation. “Eef yew could change ye fate, would ye?” He gave the most poor and overly stressed Scottish accent the paladins had ever heard. Pidge cried with laughter, slumping over and drumming her fists on the floor. 

“Wow, Lance. That was terrifying.” Keith said, sniggering despite himself.

“ _Mah ees just mah boooow.”_ Lance added, and Pidge let out a mix between a cackle and a shriek, rolling into Keith. 

“I have no idea what that movie is about, and I really don’t want to.” Shiro said, looking faintly amused. “Hunk, will you get Pidge a glass of water?”

“Yeah. Lightweight.” Hunk chuckled fondly, getting up as Pidge continued to laugh hysterically. 

“I—I just thought of something,” She giggled, gasping for breath. “ _Nun_ ville. None. _None pizza with left beef,”_ she dissolved back into helpless laughter, whacking Keith’s leg twice instead of slapping her own knee, moments uncoordinated. 

“What?” Keith asked, nonplussed as Lance sniggered into his hand. 

“It’s a meme.” Hunk explained, the usual response to Lance and Pidge’s jokes that no one else understood. It was the signal that Keith wasn’t missing out on anything important. They’d tried explaining who ‘dat boi’ was, and why it was so funny, but for all their efforts they could have been trying to teach Keith advanced calculus. “Hey, Pidge. Water. Drink this.” It took additional coaxing before Pidge stopped laughing, wiping away tears of mirth, and started sipping at the water. 

“Favorite food?” Shiro read off of his piece. The tower was starting to wobble a bit here and there; it was no longer easy to take pieces out. “Definitely not Altean food goo. I’d have to say udon. The street vendor kind.”

“Is it m’turn?” Pidge asked, draped on Keith’s side, still giggling a bit into her water. 

“No, it’s my turn.” Keith said, easing out a rectangle. ‘FAV PLACE’ was carved into the polymer block. “My favorite place? My place in the desert. It was quiet.”

“I mean, Martha Stewart could split hairs on the decor, but as far as shacks go it was pretty decent.” Lance said, rolling onto his side. “It had a nice view.”

“M’turn!” Pidge declared happily. “Don’t hate me. I can’t take’un from anywhere else.” She slid a block off the top of the tower like a cat, batting it off a centimeter at a time, blinking owlishly behind her glasses. “Um. Uh. I can’t read.” She said, staring at the block, narrowing her eyes as if it was a particularly difficult math problem.

“It says ‘MONSTER’.” Keith read for her. “As in, a mythical creature.” 

“Ur’mullet. It _is_ beanie baby soft.” Pidge mumbled, petting his head clumsily. Lance hastily turned his laugh into a cough when both Keith and Shiro frowned at him. 

“Okay. Keith, this was fun, but Pidge needs to sleep that nunville off.” Shiro said authoritatively, getting up. 

“ _Noooo._ You don’t stop until the tower falls over,” Pidge said stubbornly. “Das da rules.” 

“Curse these fat fingers!” Hunk said dramatically when he carelessly tried to take a block, knocking the tower over on purpose. To Pidge, however, who was pretty far gone, it was completely believable. 

“ _Ooooooh,_ the chester is coming for youuuu,” she imitated a spooky ghost noise, giggling.

“ _Chancla.”_ Lance corrected, grinning, starting to toss the pieces into the bag. “Hey, Pidge, how drunk are you?”

“M’not. Definitely not.” Pidge said seriously, giving Keith’s mullet another pat. “On the Mohs scale ur mullet is…a zero. Fer sure. _So_ fluffy.” 

“Alright. Come here, Pidge.” Shiro pried Pidge off of Keith, lifting her. “Pidge.” he added, frowning, as she patted his whitened lock of hair, grinning stupidly.

“Also a zero. So fluff. Very soft. Much cloud. So wow.”  Pidge giggled, her glasses in danger of slipping off her nose. 

“Keith, this was great. Aside from the drinking. Maybe we could replace that tile?” Shiro suggested, flopping Pidge over his shoulder to stop the molestation of his hair. 

“Good idea.” Keith said, finding Pidge’s nunville tile and pocketing it. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be. Anyone else and it wouldn't be a problem.” Lance said, waving a dismissive hand. “Besides, this _was_ actually kind of okay. Like, it didn’t suck too bad or anything. I'm actually kind of disappointed that there wasn't a knife.”

“ _Doge!”_ Pidge giggled as Shiro carted her off. 

“Come on, guys. I’ve whipped up a mean batch of goo in the kitchen. You’ll love it.” Hunk said, tossing the bag of _Jenga_ pieces to rest with the other games in the den. “Also, we need to brainstorm what game to play next!”


	5. Monopoly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> as requested (by pretty much everyone): the game that destroys families and lives

“And now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for…” Pidge whipped a blanket off of the table, revealing her newest creation. The paladins, who were all seated around the table, reacted in different ways upon seeing the famous box.

“I haven’t played _Monopoly_ in ages.” Shiro sounded excited. “Pidge, this is great!”

“Doesn’t _Monopoly_ take about five hours to play?” Keith asked, frowning a little. “I’m not playing for that long.”

“Don’t worry; I’ll bankrupt you early on, Mullet-Man,” Lance said confidently, and Keith gave a long suffering sigh, sending a rude gesture his way. Lance returned it with both hands, and Keith made an even ruder gesture with his arm and fist, which made Lance splutter. 

“Uh, sorry guys. I won’t play.” Hunk said, drawing everyone’s attention simultaneously. “If I thought that _Uno_ would destroy our friendships, this definitely will. Monopoly is Satan in board game form.”

“Aww, what? Come on, man!” Lance complained. “You _have_ to play.”

“I’m serious.” Hunk said, shaking his head. “If we were to get a Ouija board right now and ask it what the root of all evil in this universe is, it would probably say Zarkon first, but then it would definitely say _Monopoly_ second.” He paused, and said, “I’m pretty sure that if Hitler was alive, he’d make everyone play it.”

“Hunk. Don’t make me blackmail you into playing, because I will.” Pidge threatened. “I did not spend three weeks of my life and free time making this game for you _not_ to play.” 

“Wow, three weeks? What took so lon— _ow!”_ Lance complained when Pidge kicked his chair, hard. 

“My materials are just a _little_ limited, Lance,” she said testily. “Besides, remembering the all of the community chest/chance cards _and_ the names of all of the properties with their corresponding colors was really hard.” 

“Next time, ask me. I know you want these to be a surprise, but I love this game.” Shiro said, sitting forward, looking as if he was itching to open the box. “I could have helped you.” He glanced at Hunk, and said, “Hunk, please play with us. I wouldn’t want you to be left out of more team bonding. I know we’ll have a really great time.” He said empathetically, in a tone usually reserved for one-on-one pep-talks and reassurances. It was the ultimate caring Dad tone, and it never failed. 

“Who taught you to give pep-talks, Shiro? Yeesh; they’re like a weapon all on their own. Okay, okay, I’m in. But I’m saying now, for the record, that this is a horrible idea.” Hunk gave in, and Pidge just grinned, opening the box. After much arguing, it was decided that Hunk would be the banker because Lance and Keith would short each other and/or steal from the bank, Shiro didn’t want to be the banker, and Pidge was considered too diabolical for her own good to be in charge of the money. That left honest, wonderful Hunk, who accepted the burden with a shrug. 

Then there was a secondary, longer argument on who got to be what piece. Both Lance and Keith wanted the battleship. Shiro took the terrier, but then gave it to Hunk when he was treated to the best puppy dog eyes he’d ever seen in his life. Shiro then took the thimble. Pidge picked the wheelbarrow, rolling her eyes. In the end, Lance was convinced to take the cannon instead, and he took it moodily, swearing revenge. 

“The game hasn’t even started yet, calm down,” Pidge said as Hunk started to deal out the standard amount of money to start the game.

“You calm down.” Lance grumbled, crossing his arms. “I’m _always_ the battleship.”

“I’m impressed you had that piece at all, Pidge. You must have had an old set at home like I did.” Shiro said, still being a surprising nerd about the whole game. Did you know that the cannon and moneybag were retired in the early two thousands? The iron was the most recent to get dropped just a few years ago.”

“I am a little concerned and confused that you know this much about _Monopoly,_ Shiro.” Hunk said, looking amused. “Why is that?”

“I just really loved the game when I was growing up.” Shiro shrugged, carefully arranging his money. “I always had a lot of fun. I know we will too.”

An hour in, the game was civil, and fun, as promised. All of the paladins got a chance to buy properties, and it was agreed upon that all taxes and fees were put on the ‘Free Parking’ spot to maximize cash flow. Hunk was an honest banker, and there were no fights, only banter. Keith won Free Parking almost every time, like magic. When Lance ended up in prison three times in a row, he just said, “I guess being this _gorgeous_ is my real crime,” which cued groans all around. 

“Mono-pole-y, oh, Mono-pole-y,” Hunk sung to himself, making his token, the little dog, jump around the board. “Uh oh.” He said when he landed on one of Keith’s properties, a pink one. It wouldn’t be too high of a cost, but Keith seemed grimly determined to win. 

“One hundred and five.” Keith told him flatly, counting the houses he’d placed on the property and consulting the property card.

“ _Ouch.”_ Lance said sympathetically, and then began to sing, “ _In the arms of the angel…”_

“Uh oh. I have to, um, negotiate with you,” Hunk said, counting his money. He’d always been a little bad at math, even as an engineer, and had gravely miscalculated the cost of landing on Keith’s property. “Can I give you property instead?”

“ _No!”_ Pidge yelled vehemently. 

“ _Far aaawwayyyy, from here~!”_ Lance continued.

“I’ll pay your debt, Hunk, if you give property to me instead.” Shiro offered.

“I’ll pay double your debt.” Pidge interjected, glaring at Shiro, who sent a surprisingly fierce glare back. 

“Ummm.” Hunk froze, realizing that the utter devastation had already begun. “I’m not picking sides on that one. Nope. Nah. Keith, can I give you Park Place instead?”

“ _Noooo~,”_ Pidge wailed, and Shiro wilted as Hunk gave Keith the blue monopoly without so much as a blink. Hunk had to have known that the value of the property was worth three times worth what he owed, but he appeared not to care. 

“Thanks, Hunk.” Keith said, satisfied as he lined up the cards for Boardwalk and Park Place next to his other properties. “Bring it, you two,” He told Shiro and Pidge. 

Two hours in, the fun was disappearing. Both Shiro and Pidge were ruthless, undermining first Lance, and then Hunk. Exorbitantly complicated and ridiculous deals were constructed, such as:

“If you give me the Water Works, I will reduce your fee by twenty five percent when you land on Marvin Gardens.”

“Thirty percent, but only if you sell me the B.O. Railroad.”

“Fine. It’ll cost you twice what it’s worth.”

“ _Pidgewidgeon, please._ You’re killing us over here,” Lance whined. 

“Shut up, peasant. Fine. Four hundred dollars, you get the Water Works, and any time I land on Marvin Gardens, I get a 30% discount.”

“Done.” Shiro agreed, and Hunk groaned, banging his head on the table.

Hour three brought pure misery. Morale and rations were low. Keith was still stubbornly hanging on. He seemed to always win Free Parking right when he needed it, and was able to put up hotels at the same time Shiro and Pidge did. Lance and Hunk had brought books or other projects, and were sitting at the table, but were mostly ignoring the game. 

“Hey, Hunk. I bet I can name more memes than you.”

“Ahaha— _no._ A disgusting amount of my life has been spent online looking at memes. _”_ Hunk laughed. “Bring it.” He tossed his book aside.

“I can has cheeseburger.”

“Bad luck Brian.”

“Scumbag Steve.”

“Philosoraptor.” 

“Would you guys keep it down? I’m dominating the world over here,” Pidge said absentmindedly, landing on ‘Chance’. 

“Our little baby is all grown up and dominating the world,” Lance said teasingly, using the line from _Mulan_ without so much as a blink. “I think that’s beautiful.” He wiped away a fake tear, laughed to himself, and then added, “Watch out, we got a badass over here,” mimicking the famous meme, an Hunk snorted with laughter. 

“Me gusta,” he said, waggling his eyebrows.

“Oooh. More vintage. I like it. Rage face.” Lance said, grinning.

“Why you no?”

“Guys, come on.” Shiro said, counting his money and paying up to Keith with a slightly sour expression. “It’s hard to focus with you doing that.”

“We don’t want to watch you ruining your friendships.” Hunk said seriously. “This is our coping mechanism.” He shelled out fifty bucks to Pidge, who had won the beauty pageant with her Chance card, and she smugly took it, fanning herself with the money. However, when Lance went to list yet another meme, Hunk shook his head a little and raised his eyebrows, his signal that he had something else in mind.

“Shiro, I’ll sell you Pennsylvania Avenue for five hundred dollars,” Hunk mimicked Pidge perfectly, grinning like a loon.

“Done.” Shiro said immediately, throwing his money at Pidge, a five hundred dollar bill. He’d needed Pennsylvania Avenue for about half of the game for the green monopoly. 

“I— _what?_ No! I never said that!” Pidge protested, trying to snatch the title card before Shiro could take it, but failed.  “I don't want your money! Give that back!”

“I heard you, Pidge.” Keith joined the bandwagon, keeping a perfect poker face. When she wasn’t glaring at him, Keith offered Hunk a half smile in thanks.

“I didn’t—!” Pidge’s head whipped around, and she literally growled at Hunk, who just shrugged and grinned. Lance laughed loudly, slapping the yellow paladin a high five. “Shiro, that’s cheating. I didn’t authorize that sale.” Pidge said as calmly as possible, looking as if she was about to erupt.

“Sorry, Pidge.” To her utter horror, the usual upholder of the rules, Shiro, just offered her a patronizing smile and said, “Accidents happen. Keith, it’s your turn.”

“You’ll all pay for this,” Pidge growled, hissing further when Keith put a hotel on Boardwalk. 

Four hours in, It was mass chaos. Hunk meekly thought of the movie _The Purge_ as insults, threats, and occasional objects were thrown. Pidge was perched up on her chair, back hunched, glaring. Keith was still in the game, getting a back massage from Lance that no one had enough energy to tease them about. Shiro had his arms crossed, and for the first time since any of the paladins had met him, he actually looked both severe and terrifying. The game had stagnated a little, and so Hunk decided to add more chaos to the mix. 

“I’m selling my hotel on Kentucky Avenue.” He mimicked Shiro flawlessly, and as soon as Pidge realized what he’d done, she snatched the little plastic hotel and chucked it at Hunk, the banker.

“Oh, would you look at that, sale completed.” She said loudly, grinning in an almost feral manner. “Give the man his money, Hunk.”

“I—! No. Absolutely not. That wasn’t me, and you all know it.” Shiro said in a voice reminiscent of Commander Iverson, extending his hand to get the hotel back. Instead, Hunk gave him the money for the price of it. 

“Transaction is already done, Shiro. Buy yourself something nice.” Hunk said with a meek shrug.  “Keith, you’re up again.”

“I’m buying that hotel,” Keith said, taking full advantage of the opportunity, and Shiro pounded his fist repeatedly against the table, Pidge cackling in the background, as the exchange was completed. 

“Nice one. Kick their asses.” Lance said like a boxing coach. “Need anything? A glass of water? Nunville? A snack? The will to continue on in this hellish mortal coil?”

“Last one.” Keith muttered, but was flushing a bit as Lance pressed harder with his thumbs. 

“Not so nice when it happens to you, is it?” Pidge sniped at Shiro, who glared at her. 

“Don’t test me, Pidge.” He warned, glowering.

Hour five brought mass chaos. Somehow, in two moves that stunned everyone, Keith _won._ Most _Monopoly_ games ended when the players couldn’t physically stand to keep playing any longer, but Keith had managed to bankrupt both of his competitors in two turns. Shiro and Pidge instantly got into a massive argument that ended with Shiro flipping the table and Pidge jumping up onto his back to beat the crap out of him. 

“Uh, guys?! A little help here!” Hunk begged Lance and Keith. Trying to hold back Pidge was like trying to give a cat a bath. She hissed and kicked and managed to punch Shiro in the back of the head. “ _GUYS?!”_ Hunk yelled desperately as Shiro whipped angrily around, his prosthetic hand activating. 

“I think they actually need help,” Keith noted as Lance kept standing on a chair and making _Monopoly_ money rain down on his head. 

“Nah. They’re fine.” Lance said easily, picking up another stack and shaking them out, throwing them into the air. In the background, Hunk yelled in fright as Shiro’s hand cut right through the wall. Pidge’s inarticulate yelling nearly drowned Lance out. 

“Thanks for, um. This. And the back rub, I guess.” Keith said awkwardly, scuffing his boot on the floor, and Lance blinked, realizing that yes, he had given his arch-rival a back rub in the depths of the _Monopoly_ game. 

“ _Come and say that to my face, Buzz Lightyear!”_ Pidge howled behind them, and Shiro let out a fearsome, wordless yell of anger in response. Allura had appeared, drawn to the sounds of a fight, and had lifted Shiro over her head, talking with Hunk as he did the same with Pidge, keeping the two angry, struggling paladins apart. 

“You’re, um. Welcome. No homo.” Lance said nervously, and Keith blinked.

“What does ‘no homo’ mean?” he asked. “Is that another one of your stupid memes?”

“ _You’re_ stupid!” Lance yelled, sweating nervously and flushing furiously, unwilling to explain what it meant when he had definitely had thoughts to the contrary. 

“It means he’s gay for you, just like Shiro’s gay for _losing!”_ Pidge yelled, cueing Shiro, Lance, and Keith to all start yelling and spluttering. Fists flew. Shiro punched a hole through the wall. Allura called in Coran as reinforcements. Keith threw a chair at Lance when he accused him of cheating at _Monopoly,_ of being a wuss, and for saying that his mullet looked like a feral cat that had crawled onto his head and died.

“Honestly, what did you all play?” Coran scolded, exasperated, resulting to using hyper-magnetic cuffs to hold Keith to a chair. He had Lance in a headlock, who was still spluttering and swearing viciously in Spanish, squirming to try and get loose. 

“The game that Shiro _cheats at like a goddamn—!”_

 _“_ Pidge, I will _break you!”_

“It’s called _Monopoly.”_ Hunk said wearily, holding Pidge by the scruff, avoiding flailing limbs. “And, for the record, I _said_ this would happen, but nobody listened to me.”

In the end, Coran cuffed Lance to a second chair and had to help Hunk drag Pidge off to her room as Allura scolded Shiro and dragged him to his. The Alteans hid _Monopoly,_ and kept the paladins locked in their rooms until they had all calmed down. 

 

No one had seen the game since.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please see the wonderful fan art for this chapter made by corbeaucreations on Tumblr! You can find it here: (http://corbeaucreations.tumblr.com/post/149188701457/from-ch-5-of-plan-a-family-game-night-by) Thank you VERY much!! xx


	6. Charades/CAH

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two games in one, how lucky are you guys??!
> 
> This chapter took so long because I made a cardcast deck for you to use if you want. Its Voltron themed, and really NOT appropriate so heads up for that. Check out the end chapter notes for the cardcast code. :)

"M’ _bored.”_

“Well, Pidge, whose fault is that?” Lance asked in an unusually sage-like voice. “You unleashed _Monopoly_ on us all. It was mass chaos. You basically bombed us with napalm.” Pidge was flopped over the back of the couch like a wet noodle, pouting. Allura had banned her from her lab for making _Monopoly,_ and had wisely hidden all of the other games the paladins had made to avoid another argument. The dining room had been utterly _wrecked_ once they’d all finally calmed down enough to clean it up. 

Lance was still a little butthurt that Keith had thrown a _chair_ at him, but he’d thankfully forgotten all about his ‘no homo’ comment, and so he didn’t have to address it.  Hunk laughed a bit at his use of the word ‘napalm’ and added, “Hey, on the upside, if we ever run into Zarkon we can just challenge him to a game of _Monopoly._ Pretty sure we’d drive him insane. Once he was weakened, _bam._ We get him.” Hunk punched his palm, grinning. “And, I’m going to say it again because no one ever gives me the credit I deserve, _I. Was. Right.”_

“Yeah, yeah.” Keith muttered from the floor. He was staring at the ceiling, utterly wiped from training. He always spent extra time in the arena, and it was paying off. He’d nearly beaten Shiro at hand-to-hand, and had certainly held off both Pidge and Lance at once. “I won though.” he muttered, proud of himself for that. He’d always worked harder than anyone else with less resources, and had always strived for higher and higher goals. Yes, it had just been a game, but he’d been the underdog. Winning had made him feel good, even if it had brought about the worst catfights he’d seen in years.

“Hollow victory. You never would have won if Lance and Hunk hadn’t given you everything they had.” Pidge replied, voice muffled by the couch.

“Hey, I won, fair and square!” Keith snapped, pride flaring. 

“Okay. Everybody stop.” Hunk said loudly. “We are _not_ getting locked into our rooms again because you start fighting over a game that ended almost a week ago. Pidge, yes, Lance and I helped him, but Keith was clever enough to beat both of you absolute monsters.”

“And, uh, I supplied the back rub.” Lance interjected, raising an arm. “Pretty sure I did all the heavy lifting.”

“Yeah, and one homoerotic back rub from Lance,” Pidge muttered, snickering. Only Hunk heard her, considering her face was pressed into the couch, and he choked, laughing hard once his airway cleared.

“I don’t even want to know.” Lance grumped, crossing his arms. “So, you’re bored. What are you going to do about it? Because I’m bored too.”

“ _Whoo,_ I’ve got it!” Hunk said excitedly, sitting up and tugging Pidge onto their side of the couch to get her attention. She fell with a yelp, hastily adjusting her glasses. “We can play a game without actually having to make anything. _Charades.”_

“Ooo, yeah! I’ll have you plebs know that I am truly one of the greatest actors of our time. Leonardo DiCaprio called me up and offered me his Oscar.” Lance struck a ridiculous pose reminiscent of an anime and winked. 

“He would probably kill someone with his bare hands before he gave that thing up, let alone give it to a crusty weirdo like you,” Pidge snorted, and Lance pouted at her. “But yeah, sure, I’m in. Keith?”

“I…guess.” Keith sighed, not moving to get up off the floor. 

“Okay then, April Ludgate, get a move on,” Pidge said, standing up and nudging at him with her foot. “Are we doing teams?” Because Lance and Keith cannot be on a team together.”

“Like I’d want to be,” Lance muttered defensively as Keith got up, rolling his eyes. 

“Extroverts versus introverts!” Hunk declared, wrapping an arm around Lance and grinning like an idiot. “Lance and I will smoke the two of you, guaranteed.”

“You really want to attempt to stop us? We’re a force to be reckoned with. Brains and brawn versus what?” Pidge snorted, gesturing at Hunk and Lance.

“Um, _beauty.”_ Lance said, the word ‘obviously’ implied in his tone as he batted his eyelashes and struck an even more ridiculous pose against Hunk’s side. Hunk blew a kiss, grinning.

Pidge turned to Keith, her eyes and expression dead.

“I know,” he sighed. “Completely hopeless. Let’s beat them.”

Ten minutes of agreeing on rules and brainstorming time later, the two teams arranged themselves accordingly. Hunk whispered something to Keith, who scowled and raised his eyebrows, but accepted the first prompt. 

He opened his hands, the symbol they’d all agreed upon for a thing, and then held up two fingers.

“Okay, a thing, two words.” Pidge said, paying rapt attention as Lance started the timer. She then fought down a snigger when Keith pretended to toss hair over his shoulder, actually flipping a bit of his mullet in the process. “Beauty. Feminine. Female.” She rattled off, and he pointed at her after she said ‘female’, motioning her on. “Uh, woman? Girl?” Pidge guessed, and he nodded at the second one. 

Keith then moved a hand like it was talking.

“An emo sock puppet?” Lance asked loudly, and both Pidge and Keith glared at him as he laughed loudly. “What’s the name of the muppet who’s always in the trash?” Lance asked, and Hunk punched his shoulder to make him shut up. 

“Girl talk?” Pidge guessed, and Keith nodded. “ _Boom!_ Suck it, Lance.” Pidge cheered, slapping Keith a high-five.

“I started you guys off easy.” Hunk said scornfully. 

“Then I guess you guys can handle something intense, right?” Keith asked, cracking his knuckles. “Pidge?”

“Who’s up for it? Lance DiCaprio or the Incredible Hunk?” Pidge asked very seriously. 

“I’ve got this,” Lance smirked, striding forward. “Lay it on me, piccolo.” Scowling at the new nickname, Pidge told Lance his prompt, grinning when he briefly looked concerned for the difficulty. He then straightened up, all confidence, and turned to Hunk. He opened his hands for a thing and then held up two fingers again.

“Thing, two words. You got this, Lance!” Hunk encouraged, and then titled his head to the side as Lance took one hand, fingertips towards the ground, and wiggled his fingers a lot, moving his hand slowly. “Um, radiation? Rain? Tractor beam? Uh, sunlight? Magic? Witchcraft?”

Lance shook his head, and made his hand crawl up his arm, wiggling his fingers.

“Oh! A bug!” Hunk yelled, and Lance nodded furiously, motioning him on. “Uh, spider? Beetle?” Hunk guessed, and Lance held up one finger. “The first one? Okay, spider, spider…” 

“Thirty seconds,” Pidge warned, watching the timer and grinning briefly at Keith. 

Lance hastily started drawing lines through the air, with all of them meeting at one center point, and then looked at Hunk expectantly.

“Oh. Uh oh. Whoo boy.” Hunk squeezed his eyes shut, thinking furiously. “Um, uh, center… _oh my god spider web!”_ He yelled just before the timer went off.

“ _Whooo!_ My man!” Lance celebrated, laughing when Hunk practically threw him into the air and hugged him. “ _Nailed it!!”_

“Wow, congratulations.” Pidge said, completely deadpan. “You’re _so_ amazing.”

“You guys ready to accept defeat?” Hunk asked, coming over and giving Pidge a prompt. “That prompt will destroy your will to live.” He promised, grinning with surprising evilness for his personality. 

“Pff. Okay, if _that’s_ what you want to go with.” Pidge gave him a light shove, grinning. “Sit back and watch the real masters show you how it’s done. Keith?”

“Ready.” Keith said determinedly. 

“ _Gooooo,”_ Lance sang, hitting the timer.

“Thing. One word.” Keith translated calmly as Pidge started her interpretation. She then expanded and closed her hand rapidly over the left side of her chest, breathing exaggeratedly. “Breathing. Lung.”

“ _It’s all ogre for you.”_ Pidge cackled.

Hunk let out a loud, “How did you guess “lung” that fast?! Are you _serious?”._ He was ignored, however, as team introvert celebrated their second victory.

“Keith, up top. Hell. Yes.” Pidge slapped him a high five, stretching to reach it, and Keith actually managed a smile. 

“That was pretty easy. Nice job, Pidge.” 

“ _Katie. Holt.”_ Shiro appeared in the doorway, scowling, holding a black box in his hands. “Would you like to explain this?”

“Uh, what is there to explain?” Pidge laughed awkwardly, tugging at her collar. “It’s just a game, Shiro.”

“ _Shut. Up.”_ Lance pointed at the box dramatically and asked incredulously, “Is that _Cards Against Humanity?!”_

“No!” Pidge denied hastily, nervously. “It’s, uh, a way for me to study Altean dialects—!”

“Don’t you dare lie to me,” Shiro talked right over her, face as dark as a thundercloud. “I’ve never heard of this game, this ‘ _Cards Against Humanity_ ’, but it’s already banned. Forbidden. The. End.”

“What? Shiro, come on!” Lance whined. “I love that game!”

“A shitty, pathetic, particle barrier?” Shiro quoted, and Keith choked, shocked and incredulous. He had previously been extremely confused, but now he was starting to understand why Shiro was angry. “Zarkon’s, tiny, insignificant peni—?!”

“I made it as a joke! I’m sorry!” Pidge said hastily. “I didn’t think you’d be so, uh, offended! The whole point of the game is to be as offensive as possible! It’s _supposed_ to be rude!”

“Pidge, you’re a _minor._ You shouldn’t be making a game like this, let alone playing it!” Shiro scolded, and then yelled, “ _Lance!”_ when the blue paladin snatched the box and retreated, tossing some of the cards to Keith and Hunk. 

“Red and blue makes purple?” Keith read off, sounding disgusted. “Pidge, what the hell?”

“Dwayne Johnson and Shay making rock babies?!” Hunk sounded outraged as he read one of the cards. “Pidge, you are _dead meat!”_

“Guys, relax! It’s just a game! I think they’re hilarious!” Lance laughed loudly, picking more cards out of the box. “Using tooty fruity face wash every goddamn morning?” He read off after a few seconds of everyone glaring at him. “Pidge, I’m wounded! Besides, it's more of a _hydrating_ face wash than a fruity one.”

“Describe Keith’s mullet in one card?”

“Allura beating the ever loving crap out of a Galra?”

“Hi, my name is Pidge and I’m addicted to BLANK?” 

“Pidge, I am extremely disappointed in you.” Shiro tried to regain control of the situation, but it was too late. The other paladins had gotten over their anger/surprise/amusement, and they were now organizing the cards as if they were going to play a game. “Nope. No; you are _not_ playing this game.” Shiro said firmly, and three unimpressed faces stared back at him as Pidge shifted guilty in the background. 

“Shiro, I get that you’re team leader and everything, but you are _so_ overruled. Sorry, dude.” Hunk was starting to laugh uncontrollably. 

“You do realize that Pidge is the most corrupted out of all of us, right?” Keith asked, raising his eyebrows. “Just because she’s tiny and can play the ‘I’m cute and innocent’ card doesn’t mean that she is. She’s got the filthiest mind out of all of us, and that’s saying something, because Lance is disgusting.”

“ _Sticking your dick in Lance’s blue lion slippers?!”_ Lance read off in outrage behind him.

“Pidge, no. You cannot play this game.” Shiro stayed firm, and to his surprise, Pidge shrugged.

“Okay.”

“I—What?” Shiro was taken completely off guard. He immediately narrowed his eyes in suspicion, sure that this was a ploy. He briefly wondered how Commander Holt and his wife had raised Pidge without losing their minds. He suddenly felt a large burst of respect for them both. 

“If you think I shouldn’t play, I won’t. I mean, I’m already a disgusting human being, as Keith said, because I made every card in that deck, but whatever.” Pidge shrugged again, already smirking. “You guys have fun!”

“Shiro, you are playing. Sit down.” Hunk ordered, already dealing out seven white cards for each of them. Wondering where he’d gone wrong, Shiro reluctantly sat, mentally preparing himself for the most inappropriate things he could possibly imagine…and then worse. Because Pidge. 

“Oh, and by the way, Keith and I totally won charades,” Pidge said with a wink before leaving. 

“Ugh.” Lance muttered, glaring at Keith, who’d brightened at the reminder. 

After two hours, Shiro had to admit to himself that he enjoyed it, but his abs hurt from holding in laughter at the most inappropriate card and call combinations he’d ever seen. He wouldn’t admit to any of the paladins that he liked the game, however. He had to be the voice of reason, the leader. 

But if he didn’t complain whenever they brought the game out, the others never said anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CARDCAST DECK: 6B9E5  
> It is titled 'Voltron Family Game Night' on Cardcast. It is NOT safe for work or for kids!!!
> 
> If you'd like to see a preview, check out isayvolyousaymemes on Tumblr! You can see some of the call/card combinations here: (http://isayvolyousaymemes.tumblr.com/post/149223842360/just-a-few-highlights-from-the-cards-against)
> 
> Thank you very, VERY much!! xx


	7. Clue

“Hunk. _Hunk!”_ It wasn’t unusual for Pidge to be in an air vent, but it _was_ unusual for her to hiss at Hunk from one, and then motion him over as if they were spies passing information back and forth at a super secret meeting. 

“Dude, you can just ta-,”

“ _Shhh!”_ Pidge hissed, shrinking back into the air vent for a moment. “Keep your voice down!”

“Oh, sorry. Why?” Hunk whispered, and Pidge cautiously came out a little more, like a prairie dog in a hole. He barely resisted the urge to tell her that- he knew better. 

“I need your help, and you can’t tell Shiro.” Pidge whispered back, and Hunk felt a huge pang of foreboding. 

“Hey, man, leave me out of this,” Hunk said instantly, and at a normal volume. “I’m not getting into anything like that.” 

“ _Shhh!”_ Pidge shushed him again, glancing nervously left and right. “It isn’t anything bad. I mean, it’s bad, but it’s not _bad_ bad.” When Hunk treated her to a very disbelieving look, Pidge huffed and said, “Look, I made another board game, alright?”

“NUH UH. _Nope.”_ Hunk said, raising his hands as if expecting to be shot. “I am NOT getting involved. You destroyed any shred of self restraint left in all of us with Monopoly, and then you destroyed Shiro’s belief in humanity with that card game. You’re too powerful for your own good. Seriously. This is Dr. Evil level evilness we are talking about here.”

“Mojo: The libido. The life force. The essence. The rig-,” Pidge mimicked poorly, making the famous gesture with her pinky.

“Oh my god, _stop.”_ Hunk snorted despite himself. “You do the evil stuff, and I’ll do the impressions, okay?” He glanced up and down the hallway and said, “What exactly do you need help with again?”

“I just need you to confirm that Shiro is doing super important space stuff with Allura and Coran. Keith and Lance are already waiting for a green light to meet in green’s hangar.”

“Changing the venue, huh? Smart.” Hunk said. “Before I agree, because I have learned my lesson when dealing with your evilness, what game did you make?”

“ _Clue._ Good, safe fun.” Pidge said with a  decidedly wicked smirk. Hunk briefly considered how bad the rioting could get if they played a few games of _Clue,_ and how Dad-like (“I’m not mad, guys. I’m just disappointed.”) Shiro could get. In the end, he kind of already knew his decision. 

“You’re creepy when you do that, but I’m in. I’ll go check where he is.” Hunk said, and Pidge blew him a kiss before vanishing back into the air vent. 

Trying not to look too obvious, Hunk walked _casually_ by the main control room. Coran was lecturing Allura and Shiro about the finer points of deep space navigation. He looked to be about five minutes into a famous twenty-five minute Coran speech, and so Hunk figured they had time to all get to the hangar and not cause suspicion. 

Hunk let out a ‘Cah- _caw!’_ by the air vent, and after a moment, Pidge popped out.

“What the _hell_ does that mean?” she hissed. 

“Operation Charlie Lima Uniform Echo is a go. You are clear to approach Hangar Green.” Hunk said. “Hey, do you think I could be Tom Cruise from _Top Gun?_ Puking aside, of course.” 

“You can be whatever you want, Hunk.” Pidge said seriously before winking and saying, “Meet you there!” and disappearing into the ventilation system again. A few minutes later, they’d assembled in Green’s hangar, and Pidge was setting up the game.

“So where’s the body?” Keith was asking, a little confused, as usual. “And I thought this was a movie?” 

“ _Communism was just a red herring!”_ Hunk practically yelled his impersonation. When he received a slow clap from Lance, a confused look from Keith, and raised eyebrows from Pidge, he defended, “What? I love that movie. Wadsworth was the original sass-master for me.” 

“I mean, Tim Curry is pretty funny.” Lance said. “Even _mi mamá_ likes him, and he’s a white guy.” 

“Okay, but curry is a food? That’s his name?” Keith was more confused than ever. 

“ _Anyway,_ Keith, there isn’t a body, and the movie was based on the game. It’s a cinematic masterpiece, but that’s not the point.” Pidge said, regaining their attention. “Basically, you get dealt some cards that are a fraction of the total clues. You need to use your deductive powers to figure out which cards are in the envelope. You can only guess a room if you’re in it, and you can accuse anyone, even yourself.” 

“But wouldn’t I know if I did it?” Keith asked. 

“Nope. The cards are shuffled so it’s random.” Pidge explained. “You’ll get it when you start playing. Someone will guess who did it, in what room, and with what weapon, and will ask someone to prove them wrong. It starts with the person on their left to show them _one_ clue that ruins their theory. If they can’t, it goes to the next person, and so on. If no one can prove you wrong, you know you won.”

“It’s just logic, buddy.” Lance said. “Plus, you get a notebook _, como un policíaco real_!”

“Actually, no, you don’t. There isn’t paper in space, Lance.” Pidge reminded him. “You get a really tiny data pad with the same grid idea. It was the best I could do with Shiro checking my work stations for any game paraphernalia.” 

“Normally I’d be impressed, but I know that his heart really isn’t into it, Pidge. He won’t admit it, but he freaking loves Cards Against Humanity. You should see him trying to choke down a laugh every five seconds.” Hunk said, busily filling in his datapad with the cards he’d been dealt. 

“Really?” Pidge brightened. “He keeps looking at me weird, and I can’t tell if it’s in mourning for my supposed “innocence” or if it’s because he’s secretly urging me to make something even more filthy.”

“Both. Can we start?” Lance said. “I don’t want to have a big lead up only for us to get caught.”

“Oh! That reminds me. Green?” Pidge asked, and her lion got up, tail whipping in amusement, and curled up right in front of the door. “ _Boom._ There is no escape, my friends.”

“Don’t say that.” Keith said, wrinkling his nose, as Lance rolled first. 

“Zarkon, in his stupid ship, with his stupid ion cannon.” Lance declared. “Just kidding. “Scarlet, you shady SOB. It was you, in the Kitchen, with the knife. Because you love knives.” He said, waggling his eyebrows at Keith. 

“Okay, _peacock._ The most flamboyant, dumb animal on the planet.” Keith muttered as Pidge flashed Lance a card to prove him wrong. 

 _Watching them flirt is like watching old people figure out technology. It’s_ _painful._ Hunk texted to Pidge’s datapad ‘notebook’, and Pidge snorted loudly, cackling. Keith raised his eyebrows but rolled for his turn, having learned long ago that it was best to ignore that kind of background nonsense. He didn’t understand half of the weird ‘memes’ anyway. 

 _I will pay you in upgrades for your lion if you mimic them professing love for one another._ Pidge sent back to Hunk, who frowned.

_That’s mean, Pidge. It’s like the bonds with our lions; it can’t be forced!_

_Come on! It’s like watching a drunk Coran try and dance. Pleeaaasseeeee?_

“Do you guys wanna keep being freaks, or do you want to play the game?” Lance asked loudly when Hunk snickered at his datapad. “Keith just asked if it was Mrs. White in the Billiard Room with the wrench.”

Pidge sent Hunk a pointed look, a _‘You see what I mean?’_ kind of glance. They bickered with each other and defended one another like a married couple. 

“Uh, yeah, sorry. Tech stuff.” Hunk said, flashing Keith a card that proved him wrong. Keith muttered something and made an entry on his datapad. 

“Oh. _Oh.”_ Lance stared at Hunk, then at Pidge. “Sorry. Uh, _Clue_ revelation. Carry on.” He said when Pidge raised her eyebrows, not understanding. He coughed into his fist awkwardly, but Hunk shrugged, rolling the dice. 

“Aww.” He complained when he was two short from getting into the Ballroom. 

“Next turn, H.” Pidge reassured him, rolling the dice, raising her eyebrows again when Lance let out a noise between a giggle and a squeal. He was chewing on a fingernail, watching them with an odd, eager kind of anticipation. “Dude, are you having a stroke?” She asked Lance, edging her piece into the Billiard Room with Keith.

“Uh, nope. I have no idea what you are talking about.” Lance said. “But I think your pet names are very _spirited.”_ He said pointedly, offering a rather large and exaggerated wink.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Keith asked, completely lost.

“Nothing, buddy. You wouldn’t get it. Meme stuff.” Lance said, and after a moment, Pidge understood. That oblivious, dumb _idiot_ thought that her and Hunk were crushing on one another.  He thought that the nickname ‘H’ was a sign of their relationship, along with the texting, even though he hadn’t stopped bugging Keith since the game started and consistently called him ‘buddy’ , ‘MCR’, or ‘Mullet-Man’. His oblivious nature was _unbelievable._

“Lance, I can tell when it is a meme and when it isn’t.” Keith was saying, irritated that Lance was trying to pull a fast one. “I’m not an idiot.”

“I never said you were!” Lance defended as Pidge texted Hunk her revelation. His eyes grew to about fifty sizes as he read the message, and then he cracked up, flopping over and laughing until he was crying. 

“Okay, what the _hell_ is going on?” Keith asked, bewildered, as Hunk laughed himself silly, Pidge joining in. 

“Oh, you know. It’s _young love.”_ Lance crooned, waggling his eyebrows. “We should light some candles!”

“ _Oh. My. God!”_ Pidge cackled, gasping for air. She wasn’t sure what was funnier— Lance suggesting a romantic scene to Keith or the fact that there weren’t candles in space. 

“I—what?” Keith looked vaguely uncomfortable. “Hunk, Pidge, you guys are…together?”

“ _WHAT?!”_ A voice that was definitely Allura squawked from outside the hangar doors, making it obvious that she’d been eavesdropping. 

“I’m done. Lance, it’s your turn.” Pidge said pointedly, choking back her laughter. “We need to finish the game before someone, like say _ALLURA,_ came looking for us.”

“Oh, whatever! I had it figured out from the beginning because you put the deck in the envelope wrong,” Lance said impatiently, throwing his cards down. “It’s Plum, Observatory, Wrench. Now stop avoiding the question!!”

“Can anyone prove him wrong?” Pidge asked calmly, as Hunk sniggered behind his hands. He was following Pidge’s lead. He couldn’t even think of what to say to Lance anyway without making a pointed comment about Keith. The amount of obliviousness from Lance was just…too much. It made him tired. He’d rather fight Zarkon alone than try and convince Lance of his own ridiculously obvious feelings. 

“Nope. But are…you?” Keith asked. “I didn’t think you liked people, Pidge.”

“I’m going to take that as a compliment, mostly because you are correct.” Pidge said. “You’ve gotta work on your wording, though. That _might_ be construed as you meaning something else.”

“I can’t prove it either." Hunk said, laughing harder when Lance spluttered, about to blow a gasket. 

“Paladins, I hate to break up the _mood,_ but Shiro is on his way down…” Coran managed to call without laughing, from on the other side of the hangar doors, but just barely. 

“Okay, yay, congrats to Lance, you won!” Pidge said, throwing everything into the box and sliding it to Green, who took the box delicately into it’s mouth and into the cockpit before moving away from the door. She opened the hangar doors, Lance hot on her heels, demanding an answer in Spanish, as Shiro came around the corner.

“Guys? What’s going on?” He asked, baffled, as Lance spouted even more rapid and demanding Spanish, waving his arms. It was a classic example of a stage 3 over-excited Lance. 

“ _SCATTER!_ We’ve been compromised!!” Pidge yelled. Still laughing, Hunk went left. Coran, giddy, went after him. Keith jogged to the right, past Shiro, shrugging in shared bemusement with their leader. Pidge, however, grabbed Lance’s arm before he could run and yanked him down to her height, ignoring his loud protest. “Every single reason you put in your stupid head that made you think that Hunk and I like each other can be seen between you and Keith. Just saying.” She said very quietly, so that only he would hear, and then sprinted left also, disappearing. 

“Lance? Care to explain what just happened?” Shiro asked as Allura smiled knowingly after Pidge. 

The blue paladin looked gobsmacked, for a very different reason than Shiro imagined. “Huh?” Lance managed finally, rubbing the back of his head. 

“Forget it, Shiro. He’s not the brains of the operation… whatever it may have been. You’ll need to find Pidge for that.” Allura said lightly. “Should we go back to the harmonic energy dampener?”

“Sure,” Shiro sighed, catching on to the fact that they’d most likely been playing board games when they weren’t supposed to; however, he had no way of punishing Pidge. She was just too smart and too determined to succeed for him to stop. He and Allura walked away, leaving Lance alone.

“ _Qué coño?!”_ Lance yelled at the empty hallway as he finally fully realized what Pidge had been talking about. “I— _what?!”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, but consider:
> 
> -Keith in Scarlet’s red dress  
> -Lance is a peacock  
> -Coran helping Hunk with a mustache for his Colonel Mustard cosplay  
> -Pidge can do the Mr. Green smirk  
> -Lance eventually calling Keith ‘knifey’ instead of ‘wifey’, which earns him a smack  
> -Tim Curry….in space (also, Coran as Wadsworth)
> 
> THANK YOU to SilentMagi for a suggestion for a Tim Curry impression!! That movie brings me so much freaking joy. Also, THANK YOU to everyone who suggested that they play Clue!


	8. Cards (Egyptian Ratscrew and Go Fish)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance makes a pack of cards  
> Hunk can't lie  
> Pidge makes an executive decision (and lies a lot)  
> Keith spills the beans  
> Shiro is so, so done  
> Allura is Space Mom

“Hey, there, _amigo.”_ Lance said smoothly, sliding into a seat next to Keith. The red paladin didn’t so much as glance away from the book he’d borrowed from Hunk on formatting land speeder engines. “Watcha doin?” 

Keith managed to make his aura icy and irritated without looking away from his book. 

“Hey. We’re meeting in Green’s hangar in fifteen.” Lance went right to the point, realizing that Keith was going to keep ignoring him. His plan worked; Keith looked away from the text, raising his eyebrows. 

“More games?” he asked, glancing around. “Where’s Shiro?”

“I dunno, working on some kind of course for the lions. Point is he’s not here.” Lance said. He then looked very smug, and added, “ _I_ made today’s game, so you know it’s going to be good.”

Keith narrowed his eyes at Lance. “You made it? I’m suddenly not interested.”

“ _Mentiroso…”_ Lance sang, offering Keith a wicked look, poking his shoulder. “You know you want to.”

“Don’t.” Keith slapped his hand away, closing his book. “I’ll be there, so stop bugging me.”

“You wound me, buddy,” Lance pouted dramatically, but got up. “Coran is in on it, but Allura isn’t, so be careful.”

“Yeah, yeah…whatever.” Keith muttered, opening the book again as Lance left. If Keith was peeking over the edge of the pages to watch the blue paladin leave, no one saw it. 

Twenty minutes later, the paladins had all gathered in Green’s hangar. The lion had curled up in front of the doors again, head resting on it’s paws and engine purring as Lance skipped around, the ‘mystery’ bag in hand. “Are you guys ready for my stroke of _genius?!”_ Lance asked dramatically.

“If we’re playing duck-duck-goose, get on with it already,” Hunk said jokingly, watching Lance spin around their circle. 

“That would actually be really fun, but no, my big gassy friend. We aren’t playing that. We are playing….CARDS!” Lance plunged his hand into the bag as he pirouetted over Pidge’s shoulder to stand in the middle, holding the deck of cards up triumphantly.

“Uh…wow?” Keith tried to muster the response Lance was looking for, and failed miserably.

“ _Guys_ ,” Lance whined. “This is great! Think about how many card games there are! Our options are unlimited!”

“I mean, he has a point. Kings Corner, Poker, Rummy, Crazy Eights…” Pidge listed a few. “How did you make them?”

“Coran helped me. He insisted on designing the back of the cards, but the face cards were up to me.” Lance said, grinning like a loon. He displayed the pack so everyone could see it. Voltron was on the back, with Coran and Allura on each shoulder. “He’s really good at drawing.” Lance said, splitting the deck and passing it around so they could all look. “Also, I’m the jokers because they are the best cards in the whole deck.”

“Shiro is the King! I like it!” Hunk laughed, spreading his bit of the deck out to examine the cards. “Dude, I’m the _queen?_ Awesome!!”

“Where am I?” Keith asked curiously as Pidge held up the Jack with her face on it and nodded her approval. 

“You’re the ace. You know. Cause you’re an _ace_ pilot.” Lance said with a wink.

“Ew. You can do better puns than that,” Pidge complained, Hunk laughing along. They didn’t comment on the flush that spread on Keith’s face, and how he and Lance hastily looked away from one another. 

“Yeah, the card design is great.” Lance coughed. “So, uh, what are we playing?”

“Poker. I’ll destroy you all.” Pidge said immediately. “My Mom taught me how to learn someone’s tell within five minutes of play.”

“Remind me to never play poker with your Mom.” Hunk laughed. “Why doesn’t that surprise me?”

“One, we have no money to play with, and two, I don’t know how to play and I don’t trust any of you to teach me.” Keith said, crossing his arms.

“Aw, come on. You don’t trust me?” Hunk offered him a wide, pleading look.

“Nope.” 

“Wise man.” Pidge chuckled. “Okay, I concede. What’s something we all know? Egyptian Ratscrew?”

“ _Hell yeah!_ I love that game!” Lance plunked down next to Keith, gathering up the cards. “It’s really easy, Keith. It’s based on your reflexes,” he reassured when Keith raised his eyebrows.

“Yeah! Basically we each deal a card out one at a time into a pile. You are looking for doubles, like an eight on an eight, a sandwich, like an eight, a seven, and then an eight, or a run, like a seven, an eight, and a nine played all in a row. When you see it, you slap the pile before someone else.” Hunk explained, watching Lance shuffle the cards and then start to deal them out. “If you slap it first, you get all the cards in the pile. If someone lays a face card or an ace, you have a certain amount of tries to also lay a face card or an ace, or the pile is given to the owner of the original face card.”

“An ace is four tries, a king is three, a queen is two, and a jack is one.” Lance explained. “You can also slap on a joker- I always leave them in the deck. A joker doesn’t count as a face card though; _but,_ if you lay it and slap it, you’re golden.”

“Other rules: no slapping all the time- if you slap and it’s not a double, sandwich, joker, or run, you have to add a card to the bottom of the pile.” Pidge said. “Also, you can’t hover, and you have to deal your card out at a reasonable speed. No slow going, no peeking. My Dad would always try that.”

“Okay. I can do that.” Keith said confidently. He knew he had the best reflexes out of anyone playing. “But what if you run out of cards? You’re out?”

“Nope!” Lance said. “If you see a sandwich or whatever you can slap in to get cards back. Make sense?”

“Yeah. I’m ready.” Keith said determinedly.

What followed was good, chaotic fun. Pidge was vicious- she was smaller and faster, so she could slam her hand down milliseconds before someone else. Keith’s reflexes were so sharp that he kept slapping before anyone even realized that there was a play they could slap in on. Hunk was content with the cards he did have— but was cautious. When he did go for cards, he usually ended up slamming down on someone’s hand enough to make them yelp with pain; he was just too strong. Lance, for the record, was very, _very_ good at Egyptian Ratscrew. He’d played with all of his siblings, and had an excellent strategy.

The only thing he hadn’t thought through was the contact. Most people were afraid of getting slapped or their hand gouged by the nails of another player. What Lance was starting to be painfully aware of was how often he and Keith’s hands touched, slamming into one another and staying that way as they argued over who had won what. Every time they touched, he jumped a little, and Keith was quick to pull back, face heating up a bit behind his fringe. 

Adequately distracted by trying not to be obvious in front of Keith, Lance didn’t notice Pidge signaling to Hunk, and his disapproval. Regardless of Hunk’s reluctance to act, Pidge had made a decision. Halfway through a round, Pidge cleared her throat and said, “Green? Go for it.”

“ _AGH!”_ Lance yelled as he was suddenly scooped up by Green and tossed into the air. 

“Pidge, what the— _oof!”_ Keith joined him in the air a second later, and the robotic lion caught them in it’s mouth, letting them fall into a heap in the cockpit, the hatch locking with an ominous noise. “I—!” Keith wormed out from underneath Lance, flushing furiously. “Pidge, what the hell?! Let us out!”

“Nope.” Pidge grinned up at Green. “Nice work, Green. I owe you one.”

“Pidge, I don’t think this is a good idea.” Hunk said, tugging on his collar. “Remember what I said, about forcing it? About mystical connections?”

“What the _heck_ are you talking about?” Lance asked, bewildered, getting up and rubbing at his head. “What mystical connection?”

“You guys are obvious. _Painfully_ obvious. You have been for months.” Pidge said, frowning up at the cockpit. “I’m not going to make you do anything, but I won’t let you out until you acknowledge it.”

 _“¿Qué?_ ” Lance choked. “No hay nada que— _no!”_ He flushed furiously. “You haven’t noticed anything— you’re blowing this out of proportion! ¡Déjenos hacia fuera! I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

“Uh huh.” Pidge said flatly.

“Pidge, come on. You can’t keep us in here.” Keith tried going the logical route before completely blowing up. “Shiro will be back soon, and Allura will be looking for us. We’ve still got work to do later.” 

“Huh. Hunk, your last round of food goo experiments made me kind of queasy. I know you’ve been working hard on engineering a new dispensing system, but…I dunno. I kinda feel weird.” Pidge said, nailing the half-woozy, half sick tone _perfectly,_ mimicking a conversation that hadn’t happened yet _._ “You made Lance and Keith sick too. I’ll have to tell Shiro when he gets back.”

“Damn it, Pidge! Let us out!” Keith snapped, kicking the pilot’s chair. 

“Nope. Come on, Hunk.”

“Hunk, my man, don’t let her do it! Free us!” Lance begged, and Hunk looked torn.

“I—um,” Hunk swallowed nervously as Pidge turned an impressively intimidating stare onto him. “I, uh, sorry guys. I’m gonna remain neutral on this one.”

“ _Hunk!”_ Keith yelled as the yellow paladin left, sweating nervously. Green sat back down in front of the doors, purring. 

“Pidge, I swear to quiznap, I will not let you get away with this,” Lance threatened. “I’ll tell Shiro about that _Life_ board you’ve gotten hidden in the air intake system!”

“Do it.” Pidge said with a shrug, gathering up the cards. “I’m pretty sure Allura told him anyway.” She used a hair tie to band up the cards into a stack and added, “Green? Catch.” She tossed the cards up, and Green snapped them out of the air, letting them fall into the cockpit. “See? I’m being nice. This way you can play cards when you’re done talking it out.” 

“I have to pee!” Lance cried as a last resort, seeing as Green had gotten up to let Pidge out of the hangar. 

“One, you’re lying, and two, there’s a bathroom on every lion, numbskull.” Pidge said fondly. “Good luck!” She left then, leaving them in stunned, awkward silence as Green sat back down, the particle barrier going up. 

“Red,” Keith said first, closing his eyes, forming a telepathic connection. “Red, I need help. Get me out of here.” He paused, listening, and then scowled, flushing hotter. Lance wasn’t sure what Red had said, but it obviously wasn’t coming to get Keith. 

“Okay, uh, Blue. Come on, buddy. I’m in a tight spot.” Lance attempted, desperately not looking at Keith. He waited impatiently, fidgeting, for Blue to connect and mull it over. What he got back was a jumble of sensations and images, but Blue’s message was clear— it approved of Pidge’s torture. “ _What?!_ Blue, come on!” Lance complained. “We can’t form Voltron if we’re stuck in here!” In response, Blue definitely did the lion equivalent of laughing before cutting their connection.

“I can’t believe this. Green, let us out.” Keith demanded, kicking a control panel. Green just snoozed on, indifferent. 

“Hey, this isn’t so bad. We can wait Pidge out. It won’t take Shiro long to figure out that something’s up. Hunk’s a wreck out there; he can’t keep a secret, even on a death threat from Pidge.” Lance tried to look on the bright side. “She did give us the cards. Let’s just, I dunno, play?”

“Play what?” Keith asked warily, trying not to be so nervous. He wouldn’t let any _thoughts_ about Lance stay in his head. He wouldn’t stare at him when he wasn’t looking. He wouldn’t think about why Pidge had locked them in together. He would _not._

“I dunno. Go Fish, maybe? You know that one, right?”

“Yes,” Keith said testily, sitting on the floor with a sigh. “I hope Shiro finishes soon.”

“Dude, this is still a bonding moment! Shiro will be proud of us if we don’t kill each other.” Lance said, taking the band off of the cards and shuffling them. 

“I guess so,” Keith muttered, having to admit that Lance was right. He glared at the floor, trying not explode, and missed the Cuban watching him for a moment before hastily dealing out the cards. Lance swished the remaining cards around to make a ‘lake’. 

“Uh,” Lance coughed awkwardly. “Got any queens?”

[][][][]

Meanwhile, Hunk was pacing nervously in the den. “We should go let them out. If we apologize enough, maybe they won’t tell Shiro?” He suggested weakly.

“Don’t wuss out on me, Hunk.” Pidge said, typing on her computer and not bothering to look up. “It’s going to work out. You’ll see.”

“Pidge, come on. What if Lance had done that to us, still thinking that we were together?” Hunk tried, and Pidge snorted with laughter.

“One, I’d hack my way out or you’d engineer the bay door to open, and two, we’d probably just hang out. It wouldn’t be too bad. I’d probably take a nap.” Pidge mused.

“Pidge, come on. Really. We went too far this time. We gotta come clean.” Hunk tried to persuade her. 

“Come clean about _what?”_ Allura asked warily, appearing, arms crossed.

“Uh, nothing!” Hunk squeaked. “I—did you hear something? I said come _clear,_ as in come clear on our engineering specifications. Hah! I’m not hiding anything.” He spewed nervously, tugging on his collar again. Allura raised her eyebrows a little, and Hunk dropped his head, dejected.

“Well, Hunk, I guess this is it. I can’t lie to Allura.” Pidge sighed. “Princess, I’ve been working on another game without permission. It’s in the air intake system. I’d go and get it, but, um, I don’t feel that well. Neither do Lance and Keith.” Pidge rubbed at her eyes, lifting up her glasses to get access. “I think Hunk’s new engineering project for the food goo distributor was contaminated.”

“Thank you for being honest, Pidge,” Allura sighed, missing the fact that Pidge was acting completely. “Do the three of you need a regeneration pod?”

“No. Lance and Keith are sleeping it off in their rooms. I’m just going to take it easy.” Pidge lied again, shooting Hunk a look when Allura wasn’t looking.

“I’ll, um, start over on the project. I didn’t think I could make people sick,” Hunk lied nervously, but it came off as embarrassment and discomfort.

“Do not blame yourself, Hunk.” Allura advised, patting him on the shoulder. “All good inventions require working and reworking. You didn’t mean to do any harm.” She paused and said, “Has anyone heard from Shiro? Perhaps he has fallen ill as well. He is taking quite a long time out there.”

“He wanted it to be a secret so he’s insisting on setting the course himself.” Pidge shrugged. “I’m sure he’s fine. Black would have brought him back if he wasn’t.”

“I suppose you’re right. Well, I’ll update Coran on the situation. Rest up,” Allura advised before leaving. She popped her head back in a second later to add, “And I _will_ be confiscating that game, Pidge.”

“Fine,” Pidge grumbled, and Allura left again. 

“I am actually frightened of you right now.” Hunk groaned, sitting on another couch. “We are _so_ lucky you are working for forces of good and not evil, because you are _way_ too good at lying.”

“It’s a white lie. It won’t cause any harm,” Pidge said confidently, going back to her computer. “Besides, the game in the air intake system was the first version that I messed up on. The real game board is hidden somewhere else.”

“Not the _point,_ Pidge.” Hunk moaned. “When Allura and Shiro actually find out, we will be dead meat. Dead.”

[][][][]

“Got any fives?” Keith asked, half bored, half irritated. He was sitting awkwardly, trying not to stare at Lance, who was lying on his side. The pose was _far_ too inviting. 

“Nope. _Pescar.”_ Lance sighed.

“This is dumb. We need a new game or I’m going to go insane.” Keith snapped, fishing for a card. 

“That’s because I’m winning.”

“You definitely are _not_ winning.” Keith snapped.

“Um, I hate to break it to you, Keith, but I _am_ winning.” Lance shot back, his competitive nature flaring up as he gestured to all of his sets of three and four. “You just can’t handle it!” He leaned over the lake to swat at Keith, simultaneously showing his hand and that yes, he’d had a five and had lied.

“You’re a liar!” Keith gave him a shove. “You’re pathetic enough to cheat at _Go Fish?”_

“Don’t shove me!” Lance recovered, dropping his hand and throwing himself at Keith. They fought briefly for a moment, cards scattering everywhere, until Keith pinned him. They glared at one another for a moment, Lance still trying to worm free and kick him, until they both simultaneously realized the position they were in. Keith had Lance’s wrists pinned, and was sitting on top of him, using his weight to hold him to the floor. “Dude, get off.” Lance begged, sounding uncomfortable. 

Keith hesitated just a second too long, eyes flashing down to Lance’s mouth, before he threw himself off of Lance, flushing as red as his armor. Awkward, tense silence fell between them. 

“Damn it, fine.” Keith muttered after a moment, and at light speed, clearly uncomfortable. “I think that you’re not a complete idiot, okay? Half the time you’re fun to be around and I like you. There; I said it. Green, let me out,” He demanded hastily, hissing when the lion just slept on.

“I—uh,” Lance gaped, flushing furiously. “What?” he summed up weakly. 

“I. Like. You.” Keith spelled out through gritted teeth, glaring at the floor.

“ _Oh.”_ Lance swallowed hard, heart beating so hard and fast he could practically hear it. 

“Pidge ruined _everything!_ Now how are we going to form Voltron?!” Keith punched the nearest console, upset. 

“Dude, we can still form Voltron.” Lance managed, trying to keep up with Keith’s line of thought and not blow his shot, the thing he’d been day dreaming of for a while. He actually had a chance  with Keith. It seemed unbelievable. If Keith hadn’t fessed up first, Lance wasn’t sure if he would have been able to.

“No, we can’t, because how are we going to work together with this awkward rejection hanging over us? It isn’t going to work!” Keith snapped.

“I—what? Rejection? Who says I’m rejecting you?” Lance said, and Keith’s head snapped around to stare at him. “I, heh, I like you too, Keith. A lot.” Lance said, trying to quell his instinct to be suave and cheesy, trying to be himself instead. Keith would need to see that he was serious. Lance _wanted_ him to know that he was serious. “I guess I just didn’t know how to tell you without being afraid of you kicking my ass.”

“You flirt with anything with a pulse.” Keith pointed out. “I—wait, I take that back,” he said almost frantically when Lance frowned at him, hurt. “I didn’t mean it like that. I just—how could you not know what to say? It’s _you.”_

“Yeah, well, I didn’t want to mess it up.” Lance leaned against a console, stomach churning. “I didn’t want to flirt with you like I do anyone else. You’re worth more than that.” He paused, sent Keith a weak smile, and added, going for humor, “And you _are_ pretty unapproachable.”

“I—,” Keith blushed, hastily looking away. “Okay. So, um. What do we…do?” 

“That depends.” Lance said, mouth going dry as he approached Keith. 

“Depends on what?” Keith asked nervously, watching him come close but not moving away. His breaths sped up, his eyes going wide.

“Depends on what you want,” Lance said, stopping in front of him. He reached out a hand, slowly, and after a second, Keith took it. “If you want to be, um, affectionate in front of everyone else, that’s okay with me. If you don’t, that’s fine too.” 

“I’ve never. With anyone. Have, um, you?” Keith asked, eyes fixed on their hands. He felt like he was dreaming. Surely he’d wake up in a regeneration pod and be told that he’d had a head injury or something. There was no way the one thing he’d been nervous about for _months_ was finally getting resolved happily. Right?

“I—I mean… _oh Dios mio.”_ Lance mumbled. “I, uh, I didn’t think we’d talk about this so fast, but, um. I like women and men. Both. I’ve dated another guy and a girl, but it didn’t last. We didn’t get very far at all.” 

“Both? Bisexual?” Keith asked. “That is the term, right?” 

“Yeah. It is.” Lance agreed nervously. They paused for a moment, staring at one another. “Uh, Keith? Can I ask you something?” Lance managed, heart racing even faster.

“Yeah?” Keith asked, tightening his grip on Lance’s hand.

“Can I kiss you?”

[][][][]

“Sick?” Shiro repeated, standing in the den. Pidge was curled up on her side next to Hunk, and was drowsy, considering she’d just woken up from a nap. “Have you checked on them recently?”

“Keith specifically said that if I come near him he would beat me up. I think he wants to handle it on his own, in his own Keith-y way.” Pidge yawned. “As for Lance, he’d swan in here like a drama queen if he needed something.”

“I’m still checking on them both.” Shiro decided, frowning. He’d worked hard on a secret surprise course for the team, and wanted everyone at 100% before they attempted it. Besides, they could run into Galra at any time. Having sick paladins was too risky.

“I—sorry, Pidge, but I can’t! They aren’t sick!” Hunk spewed nervously, closing his schematic drawings of an engine mechanism, looking guilty. “Pidge locked them in Green and won’t let them out until they admit that they like each other!”

“Hunk, come _on!”_ Pidge complained.

“Is this true?” Shiro asked, half torn between laughing and scolding Pidge. Everyone had noticed Keith and Lance, and their awkwardness towards one another, but Shiro and Allura had sworn not to get involved, Coran had claimed he wasn’t interested, and he’d trusted Hunk and Pidge to respect their fellow paladins and leave the issue alone. Clearly, Pidge’s self-restraint had held out for as long as possible before breaking.

“Shiro, they were hopeless. What if one of them got hurt in battle or something? The other would flip out, and you know it. For the good of the team, I made them at least _try_ and talk it out.” Pidge gave a very diplomatic answer, a sign that she wasn’t being vindictive; she actually cared quite a bit about both, and about keeping them happy and safe.

“It’s nice that you mean well, Pidge, but you can’t keep them locked in Green. Come on. Let’s go let them out.” Shiro said, nudging the couch. 

“Okay, _fine.”_ Pidge sighed, getting up. “I hope that it’s been long enough,” She said as they walked.

“How long have they been in there?” Shiro asked disapprovingly.

“Ummm…maybe two hours. Not longer than that, I think. I don’t know how long I was sleeping for, to be honest.” Pidge said with a shrug. “What? They have a bathroom, and I wasn’t going to let them starve. I even gave them entertainment!”

“And what might that be?” Shiro asked, frowning at her.

“Just a deck of cards. For the record, Lance made them, not me!” Pidge defended herself hastily when Shiro frowned deeper. He honestly had long since stopped trying to cut down on the games; he was sure the paladins had learned their lesson about fighting over them. Still, he’d asked them not to, and they were continuing to go behind his back to do it anyway. 

“Pidge,” Shiro sighed, disappointed. “Depending on how much they’ve killed each other will determine your punishment.” He could just imagine the two hot-heads yelling at each other and then getting into a fist-fight with no one to stop them. They stopped at the hangar, and Shiro pushed the button, but the doors opened only to reveal a particle barrier.

“Hey, Green. yeah, I got— _what?!”_ Pidge choked on a mouthful of spit and then shushed Shiro when he went to ask a question, pulling him a few feet away and whispering gleefully, “ _They’re making out in my lion!”_

“Pidge,” Shiro warned, not in the mood for games.

“I’m serious! Green doesn’t want to move, or it’ll alert them, you know? Actually, hold the phone. They are making out in _my_ lion.” Pidge frowned. “That’s disgusting. _Guys, stop sucking face!”_ She hollered, re-approaching the lion. A very loud squeak of fright came from the cockpit as the particle barrier disappeared, Green powering up, making a noise that sounded suspiciously like laughter.

“Pidge, you _monst—_ Shiro!” Lance sounded both breathless, embarrassed, and relieved. “Thank quiznap! Get us out of here, will you?”

“Uh, yeah! Before I choke Lance cause he’s stupid?” Keith tried and failed to sound irritated- he also sounded breathless. “You’re dumb,” he added a bit more forcefully, but it was still a pathetic effort to sound truly grumpy.

“Am not!” Lance did a better job at sounding like his usual whiny self, but there was a smile in his voice. 

“Alright, alright. Pidge, Green, let them out of there.” Shiro ordered, rubbing at his eyes. Green let another suspiciously amused noise, opening it’s jaws. Lance and Keith looked distinctly ruffled and unkempt as they came out. 

“I hate you, Pidge.” Keith muttered as she cackled loudly. Lance, deciding not to continue the charade if they were already busted, tossed the pack of cards to Pidge, who caught them. Lance then put his arm around Keith, making him flush furiously. 

“Hasta la _later,_ guys.” Lance said, waggling his eyebrows at Shiro and Pidge before steering Keith out. 

“So…technically they never fought…so technically I’m not to be punished, right?” Pidge said smugly.

“ _Pidge.”_

“What?” Pidge defended. “That’s what you just said.”

Shiro sighed heavily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So a lot of people asked for card games, so I cheated and condensed them all into one (sort of) chapter.
> 
> A lot of people asked for resolved Klance, so I decided to give it to ya. If you don't ship it, I'm really sorry, and I hope it doesn't distract from the story. I'm always a slut for two hot heads falling in love, so here it is :)


	9. Hide and Go Seek

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you already know what this is  
> #findShiro

"Now, paladins, I know we haven't played a game in a while," Coran said, pacing as he addressed the line of paladins, plus Princess Allura, similar to the way a drill sergeant would address troops lined up for inspection. "And that's because we've been too busy!"

"Too busy being disappointing?" Pidge muttered under her breath. Keith let out a snort that he barely passed off as a sneeze. Sighing, Shiro didn't even bother trying to discipline them, as they weren't entirely wrong. A lot of things  _had_ been disappointing for them lately. Both Thace and Ulaz could have been valuable allies, and had brought so much potential with them. To lose the two fighters so quickly and violently didn't sit right with him. 

"But that stops today, paladins!" Coran declared, pointing at them passionately. The only good thing that seemed to have happened to them recently was the fact that Coran was more perky and ridiculous than ever, dispelling the awkward, slightly stagnant feeling that had settled around the castle. He never failed to cheer any of them up, and was the glue that held the ship and the team together. "I propose a traditional Altean game! Brekmar Liswey!"

"Oh, Coran!" Allura looked amused and touched. "I haven't played since I was a child!"

"Okay, so you have one player, at least. What is 'Brekmar Liswey?" Hunk asked. 

"The rules are deceivingly simple!" Coran declared. "A single member of the group must cover their eyes for about...hmmm...thirty ticks. The rest must use every ounce of cunning they possess to blend with their environment! The last team member to be found by the one that didn't hide is the winner!"

" _Dios,"_ Lance broke first, cackling with laughter. "It's--it's--you want to play Hide and Go Seek?!" He snorted, incredulous.

"Ah, so you have a similar game on Earth!" Coran brightened. "If you all know how to play, we can turn this into a competition! A training exercise!"

"Bring it." Pidge said immediately. As the stealthy one of the group, there was no way that she'd lose. She knew every intake system, every nook, every  _centimeter_ of the ship. 

"I vote Pidge is It first," Lance volunteered immediately, absorbing Pidge's glare with minimal effort. 

"If Pidge isn't It, she's going to win." Shiro, surprisingly, agreed with Lance. "Consider this your chance to lecture us all on being more stealthy when you find us." He bargained, patting Pidge on the shoulder. After a second, the murderous look melted, and Pidge sighed, adjusting her glasses.

"Fine. But if I find Lance and Keith sucking face I'm tazing them with my bayard." 

" _What?!"_

"Okay, thirty ticks!" Pidge continued loudly, ignoring the combined squawk of outrage from Keith and Lance, heading over to the nearest corner. 

"Yes, thirty. But you must not use any technology to find us, Pidge!" Allura reminded her, which made Pidge sigh but agree. It wouldn't be as fun to use all of the castle's computer systems anyway. 

"Ready?  _One...two...three..."_ Pidge started counting, and after a moment, the paladins, Coran, and Allura scattered like a frightened pack of yelmars. 

\--

Surprisingly, Pidge found Keith first. He'd picked a very good spot, wedging himself between two high shelving units in one of the ship's hallways, but the red of his jacket caught the light, instantly making him visible. That made Keith moody, as he loved his jacket more than he loved Lance. Did that mean his red armor was just as visible? Or was he just (dare he think it) bad at finding good hiding places? Pidge, as usual, offered no good advice on any subjects relating to one's personal weaknesses. She just smirked a little and suggested that they check the kitchen for Hunk.

"Sorry, I got hungry!" Hunk protested as Pidge found him in plain sight, filling a spoon with Altean food goo. "And I had the best spot too- in that new air intake system we swapped to so that we could clean out the epsilon eight sector!"

"Wow, that is a pretty good spot." Pidge admitted. "It's almost like you're a much more complicated person that how you first appear. It's a shame you only seem to have any sort of development whatsoever when it deals with food."

"Bummer." Keith agreed. "Should we go find Lance?"

"Any ideas on where he is, lover boy?" 

"We would have worked better as a team, but for some strange reason we ended up not working together." Keith frowned. "Next time, hopefully, we'll just pair up and be done with it."

"Yeah you will," Pidge leered, and Hunk giggled, slapping her a high-five. 

Lance was found, in of all places, the training deck, wrapped around the back of the Gladiator so that he was barely visible. Coran was in the armory, trying to pass as a model dummy, loaded down with armor and weapons. Allura was in the library, her long dress blending in perfectly with a long curtain. She had passed the time reading about the early history of the Galran people, and wasn't all that bothered about being found.

"You know, not all Galra were evil, once upon a time." She said thoughtfully, putting the book back. "It gives me hope that the Blade of Marmora will lead us to other Galrans who are resisting the spread of Zarkon's hatred."

" _La gente cambia. Loco,_ _¿verdad?"_ Lance nudged her with his elbow. "We should probably learn more about the Galra as a team. It'd be horrible if the combination of our lack of knowledge and the stress of recent events led us to make some bad decisions."

"A wonderful idea." Allura praised. "I'm glad you brought it up, Lance. You can be quite insightful when you want to be."

"Yeah, yeah, so Lance is capable of being more than an airhead. Big whoop." Pidge interrupted. "Does anyone know where Shiro is?"

\--

After an hour, the paladins, Coran, and Allura regrouped in the den. They were no closer to finding Shiro, and the cheer of the game was starting to fade. While it was true that Shiro could be stubbornly and viciously competitive when he wanted to be (i.e. any Monopoly game ever), those instances were rare. Even when they'd played board games he'd either been on guard in case of a Galra attack or he'd at least been half relaxed knowing that Coran or Allura were monitoring the space around them for any potential hazards. With  _everyone_ in on the game, potentially scattered all across the castle, it was more likely than not that he'd stayed close in case of an emergency.

That theory was tested as they inched into hour three of Shiro still being in hiding. Lance and Hunk refused to use the term 'missing', as that implied defeat and a much,  _much_ larger problem at hand that no one wanted to address. At hour three and a half, Pidge cheated and checked the castle's computer systems. 

Upon getting no hits, the paladins promptly panicked. It wasn't until Allura pointed out that the ship's sensors didn't penetrate into their lions that they didn't completely lose their minds. One not very graceful race later, the team was clustered around the Black Lion.

"Oi! Shiro! Game's up,  _jefe!"_ Lance called up. 

"Shiro, you can't hide in there forever. We found you, fair and square. Sort of." Pidge adjusted her glasses. "Besides, hiding in your own lion is extremely lame and not at all original."

"Shiro?"

"Shiro, come down."

"Shiro, seriously. It's not funny anymore."

"...Shiro?"

 


End file.
